A world where drills like these exist.....

I have worked two graveyard shifts in a row and my sweet little Lexi comes running out of the house to greet me upon returning home from my 12 hour shift. To say the least, I am exhausted. I am now not prossessing things in my head correctly. I need sleep. But I am so happy to see her happy face.

She hugs me and immediately says, "IT"S DRILL DAY!!! Did you remember?!" I look at her perplexed. Of course I did not remember. It was the furthest thing from my mind at that very moment. "Um.....No. I did not remember it was drill day." She looked at me half disappointed half shame-shaming me. I looked at her desperately. "Come on Lex. You gotta cut me some slack. I'm not awake. What do I need to do?" She tells me all the things I need to do and I am immediately bugged. Seriously?! Chase gets out at 10:45 AM and Lexi at 1:15 PM. I need to personally check them out of school or they will not be released. I realize it is a drill because of last December. (the Sandy Hook Elementary School massacre.) Although I think it is a very needed and fantastic thing to be practicing, I am still so put out it is today of all days. I am tired and grumpy. I so don't need this today. Between picking up the two, sleep will be short lived. I struggle to fall asleep.

I end up only sleeping an hour that day. I have gotten chase. I didn't have to check him out. Picking him up was quick and easy. I had no idea what I was in for with Lexi. No idea.

Lexi calls me from the school. I am late. I feel terrible. I hurry and drive over to the school and cars are lined up all around the school and parents are walking into the school from far distances. I sigh and park. I am far away from the school. It is a walk to get there. I am still thinking very selfishly.

Then suddenly a flash. I see a mother desperate and devastated on the phone standing by her parked car in front of an elementary school. An elementary school that could have so easily been my child's elementary school. A picture I had seen from the December Sandy Hook Elementary Massacre. A picture I will never forget.

Reality was sinking in. This was a drill in case someone came to hurt my child. This is me coming to see if my child is alive after the unthinkable has happened. My heart sank and began to ache. Do I really live in a world where we actually have to practice these drills? I turn the corner and see a humongous cluster of students and teachers in parallel lines. Teacher's with clip boards in hands and each child's name on the list. The scene is so disturbing to me, I begin to cry.

Crying for the mothers who turned that corner and went to that teacher with that clip board and their child was not on that list. Just the panic I felt wanting to get my little girl home was horrible enough. I went straight to Lexi's teacher and Lexi raced into my arms. Instant peace. I love this little girl completely. I need her in my life. Only then could I calm down. But the tears would not stop. I felt sick inside for those mothers and fathers who came and left with those same feelings.  Feelings of panic and pure terror that the worst has happened to their child. I felt the tiniest bit of panic and I thought I would burst.

I do live in a world where drills like this exist.

Our Elementary did an exceptional job in their drill. They would not release ANY child to anyone but a parent or a guardian. Those teachers knew their kids and knew their parents. It was amazing to see the organization and knowledge they had about their students. I felt comforted in this drill despite how disturbing it was to me. The reasons for why we have this drill is an absolute nightmare. But--I am so grateful they did this drill. It is a harsh truth. I hope the reality never comes to anymore schools in this world, but, we all know that will never happen. We have to be prepared. Thank you to our Elementary.  

I am crying for my babies. I am crying for those innocent children and those brave teachers. My heart, my love, my tears, my thoughts, my prayers, and my entire empathy as a mother goes out to all who lost their sweet baby. My gratitude, love, and faith in the good of people goes out to the teachers that died for those sweet children. The world is truly a lesser place without them in it.

Thank you to those family members who have stood up to be heard and made it known we need these drills in our schools. Because of you my child is a little safer. Your pain will not be in vain. You have made my child's school a safer one. Thank you from the deepest part of my heart. Here is a list of those precious angels and their strong teachers. Thank you again to those family members who are taking a stand against gun violence.

Charlotte Bacon (2/22/06), 6 years old, female
Daniel Barden (9/25/05), 7 years old, male
Rachel Davino (7/17/83), Staff member, 29 years old, female
Olivia Engel (7/18/06), 6 years old, female
Josephine Gay (12/11/05), 7 years old, female
Ana M. Marquez-Greene (4/4/06), 6 years old, female
Dylan Hockley (3/8/06), 6 years old, male
Dawn Hochsprung (6/28/65), Principal, 47 years old, female
Madeleine F. Hsu (7/10/06), 6 years old, female
Catherine V. Hubbard (6/8/06), 6 years old, female
Chase Kowalski (10/31/05), 7 years old, male
Nancy Lanza, 52 years old, female (mother of shooter Adam Lanza)
Jesse Lewis (6/30/06), 6 years old, male
James Mattioli (03/22/06), 6 years old, male
Grace McDonnell (11/4/05), 7 years old, female
Anne Marie Murphy (7/25/60), Staff member, 52 years old, female
Emilie Parker (05/12/06), 6 years old, female
Jack Pinto (05/05/06), 6 years old, male
Noah Pozner (11/20/06), 6 years old, male
Caroline Previdi (9/07/06), 6 years old, female
Jessica Rekos (5/10/06), 6 years old, female
Avielle Richman (11/17/06) 6 years old, female
Lauren Rousseau (June 1982), Staff member, 30 years old, female
Mary Sherlach (2/11/56), Staff member, 56 years old, female
Victoria Soto (11/04/85), Staff member, 27 years old, female
Benjamin Wheeler (09/12/06), 6 years old, male
Allison N. Wyatt (07/03/06), 6 years old, female