Words Left Unsaid Hurt The Very Most...

My Hero

By Jenna Pinegar

  Everyone says you don't know what you have til it's lost...  Well, I did.  I was the little sister that annoyed, bugged and teased until Jess would push me off of him in the high school hallways yelling "JENNA!  I'M NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND!  STOP HUGGING ME!"  I couldn't help it.  I adored my brother. 
  Sundays were my favorite day of the week.  Jesse would pound on my bedroom door making the most obnoxious sounds followed by me jumping on him saying hello and us going up to dinner with our amazing family.  He fiddled on the piano and I made up songs.  I knew life would never get better than those moments.  I took in the time we had together because it was about those little moments and I loved every second.  
  I was the last to talk to my brother.  I remember all of us passing the phone around like we did occasionally while he was in Hawaii.  He called a lot while he was there because he got lonely.  A few times a week we talked a couple times a day.  Our last conversation was sweet and I don't regret a thing-only that I can't say it again and again.  Jesse told me he was going on one more hike and he would be back in a week.  I told him I loved him like crazy.  "You're my hero, Jess.  I love you so dang much-you have no idea."  Jesse just laughed at me, but I meant it. 
  That moment still echoes in my memory.  I still hold onto it.  Jesse has been my hero since I was a little kid.  I have looked up to him all my life.  What do you do when it all slips through your fingers?  When your life shatters right before your eyes and you have no answers? 
  I felt a change as the week went on.  Something was wrong.  I had nightmares.  I told my sister, Niki, and she had them, too.  And you know the story from there. 
  Time has passed and the pain is not any less.  I still hurt everyday.  I miss my superman, but his memory gets me through the ache and I somehow make it.  I can hear him in the back of my mind telling me it really isn't that bad. 
  I lost one of my best friends.  Literally.  LOST.  Where he went, I do not know.  But I hope if anyone gets anything from this it's that you take the moments you have with people you love and savor them because you may lose them.  Overuse the words "I love you."  Tell people how incredible you think they are.  Words left unsaid hurt the very most.
  I miss my Jesse.  I always will...  But in the moments spent with him I found that you can truly be grateful for what you have and never want anything else.  And if I had one wish--it would be to have him back. 
 
Thanks for reading. 

Jenna