Reflections in Hawaii

As I sit here while the sun touches my face. The soft breeze brushes across my legs and the soft warm air comforts my body. I look across this private beach we have been staying at and think, "WOW, This is truly paradise." 

We are finally here. We are in Hawaii. We made it. It is a journey all should take. This beauty these islands have to offer are indescribable. I wish I could live here. The lush green vegetation is everywhere and flowers bloom at random. I am astounded at how at peace I am here.


We stayed at the Marriott Beach Club Resort and Spa KO Olina on Oahu. It was the most beautiful resort I have ever seen. Palm trees everywhere, running trails, pools upon pools, hot tubs, bars, restaurants, live music, shops, activities for kids and adults, private beach with lawn chairs, a reef to scuba dive by, I mean....you name it, they pretty much had it.


We went with all of our kids. Crazy huh? But I needed them for this trip. I needed my entire family for this trip. I couldn't bring myself to visit Kuai,. The island where Jesse went missing. See, I don't want my entire life to be a sad memory. Especially Hawaii. So I decided to visit Oahu first and then some day down the road visit Kuai. I wanted Hawaii to be a positive experience, not a sad one. And after everything that happened on this trip......I know I made the best decision of my life. I LOVE HAWAII!!! I totally understand why Jesse loved it here.

Now, I have a family blog and I have kind of a "Dance in the Rain" blog. In this blog I talk mainly about my thoughts on things. Or challeges I may be facing or see others facing and the example they are to me. Or whatever I want it to be.....So yea. But my family blog will have more of the activities and stuff we did and fun times we shared. This page is pretty much what I learned while I was there. I was surprised at how much I learned about Jesse, Myself, and Kirt.

As I sit here and write this as the sun sets across the most heavenly sky, I am reminded of all the simple things life has to offer me and how often I forget them. I simple "hello or Aloha" from a stranger has been the highlight of our days. This island seems to run as a different speed, and I like it. The overall feeling I have gotten from being in Oahu is "Work Hard and Love Life". I find that lesson so easy to say and yet so hard to teach.

I see why Jesse loved it here. It is absolutely beautiful and the people are amazing. If I had to choose, I would live on one of these islands myself. The mood is so much different here. Hardworking but Joyful. I just love it. If I were Jesse I would never want to leave. It is paradise where he was. I know he was truly happy there.

I went to the Hawaii Temple and found great peace there with my brother. Nothing but love was filled in my heart for him. All the beauty of the island reminded me of his sweet presence and love. He was such a beautiful person what better place to go to remember him than the Hawaii Temple? He is safe. I know he is happy.

After this trip, I can say, I feel healed.

I feel happy.

I see color.

I see the beauty this world has to offer and it is amazing. I can now inhale those colors and absorb them into my very center and let them burst inside of me. I can finally feel again! I am not longer a robot. I am no longer a zombie. I am colorful!

I can take on the blues and the browns, the whites, and pinks, purples and greens, violets, reds.......ANYTHING!    I AM ME AGAIN!!!! I found me. He found me. We found me. Together we can do anything.

Facing my fear to come to Hawaii was really a scary thing for me. Kirt was my strong hold. He has been there though thick and thin. He became my best friend all over again on this trip. He is my everything and I owe him so much. Thank you Kirt for all you do for me.

If there is anything I hope anyone gets out of this post is that, I was set free and given a new perspective on life by facing one of my biggest fears. I cannot believe how amazing It feels and how much weight has been lifted off my chest by just knowing that is not one of my demons anymore. I am no longer afraid.

I love life. I love Hawaii!!! I am so happy to be living in this beautiful world today. Challenges do get better if you face them head on. Challenges get even easier when you ask god for help.