Energy. It has left the building. Whatever used to run this body is gone. It now runs on 5 hour energy bottles and energy drinks. I am a walking zombie.
Or so it feels like most of the time. Where did it all go? I used to be able to stay up for hours and wake up and run early in the morning; feel great and get ready for the day. Now, I'm in my PJ's all day, hair greased back, and fighting back crawling back into bed.
These kids are a ball of never ending energy I am chasing after. But they are on turbo speed and my max is set at 50. I'm always two steps behind they 5 steps ahead.
If I am cleaning one room they are right behind like a twister, leaving a room of blobby mess. If the house looks the same as when my husband left in the morning, the day is considered a triumph. I'm sure I have mono. Yes. That's it. I have mono. I must. There is no other way my body could be this tired ALL THE TIME.
I fell asleep on the floor today. Face into the floor, drool everywhere, sloppy, kind of fall asleep. My dog River got worried. She'd been laying by me for the past 15 minutes.
I woke up to a ball of fur on my head and an increasing amount of pressure. River was sitting on my head. It was time to get up. I hear a soft hissing sound and the ball of fur is gone in an instant.
Then came the smell. River had farted on my head and then bolted to the next room.
I had energy...
This dog was dead. I sat up as fast as I could.
The house was in shambles. Beckham was running at me full speed. NO DIAPER. He dives at me. I catch him.
Another smell. My hand slipped across his bum. "No way!" Poop everywhere. "Really?" Beckham is giggling his cutest giggle so it is impossible to be angry with him. Instead, I run for the dog. I go to grab her to take her outside. I have forgotten the poop is still on my hand. Poop is now all over the dog.
I scream. "Poooo! POOO! It's everywhere!"
By now the kids have all gathered. They are all giggling. Beckham is still half naked.
What is it with my family and poop? I know I still have a potty training child but this is getting a little out of hand. Why did my dog fart on my head?
I have made a new goal this week and I'm going to see if it helps...
I'm going to exercise every morning for 45 minutes and see if that gives me more energy. I need to be on guard for these little buggers. Who knows what they are planning next...
Friday, April 19, 2013
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Can't Hardly Weight!!!
Life
has no smooth road for any of us; and in the bracing
atmosphere of a high aim the very roughness stimulates
the climber to steadier steps, till the legend, over
steep ways to the stars, fulfills itself.
W. C. Doane
Earlier in the year Kirt and I decided to enter into a competition against each other. A weight loss competition. I was so sure Kirt was going to win.
When it comes to competitions against each other, Kirt and I are really competitive. I hate loosing against him.
When we were first married we had never played a board game or even a card game together. So, we decided to play speed. It is basically a matching card game at lightning fast SPEED. So you can imagine when one person gets a lot of matches in a row, without you seeing any of them, you can get really frustrated.
I had grown up playing this game with my family and grandpa. I was sure I was a pro at the entire game. Plus, I was the one teaching Kirt the game. I was sure to win. Right? Wrong. Kirt was a natural. He wasted me time after time.
At first, I pretended I was Ok with it. But soon I was irate! I threw the cards down and ran upstairs like a child. "You're a cheater!" I screamed. If you have ever played speed you know what I am talking about. That game can be the most frustrating game in the entire world. It is a game of pure honestly. You really can't tell what the other is doing until it is too late if at all.
Kirt ran after me. I screamed again, "Cheater!" I slammed the bathroom door. Kirt couldn't help but laugh out loud. "Ok....this is not happening." I sulked for 10 minutes. I felt so stupid.
Because of that one incident, (and other brief attempts), we have thrown up the white flag on games or anything that might have to do with a competition against each other. Until now.....
Battle of the bulge has been in effect for a month and a half. Kirt came home on day two and announced that he had a salad for lunch and I was furious. He could not win this one. He wins every time we try to do a "friendly" competition. One salad meant 3 lost pounds the next day. No fair Men can loose that easily.
We set up rules. All natural. Do it healthy, with real food. So.......what did I do? YUP..............You guesses it...........I cheated.
I went to a weight loss clinic. I decided to try the HCG diet. (I know what you are thinking....but, oh well, luckily I don't care what people think.) I've heard it all. It doesn't work, It does, It's a lie. You know, everything. I thought, "Well, I've been trying for over a year to get motivated, maybe this will jump start me."
So I did it...................Ladies and Gentlemen......................I have lost 22 pounds. I've been off the HCG diet for 4 weeks and my weight has remained stable and not returned to where it originally was. It actually worked!!! I loved it. I know it is not for some or even most, but I love, love, loved it!!! Granted I still have 20 more to go but I'm just glad I was able to do that. It gave me the motivation to get going and keep going.
Kirt has lost 5 pounds. Oh YEAH!!! Guess who's getting paid??? That's right!!! I am!!! Any ideas on where the money should go to??? I'm the winner of this one sucka!
W. C. Doane
Earlier in the year Kirt and I decided to enter into a competition against each other. A weight loss competition. I was so sure Kirt was going to win.
When it comes to competitions against each other, Kirt and I are really competitive. I hate loosing against him.
When we were first married we had never played a board game or even a card game together. So, we decided to play speed. It is basically a matching card game at lightning fast SPEED. So you can imagine when one person gets a lot of matches in a row, without you seeing any of them, you can get really frustrated.
I had grown up playing this game with my family and grandpa. I was sure I was a pro at the entire game. Plus, I was the one teaching Kirt the game. I was sure to win. Right? Wrong. Kirt was a natural. He wasted me time after time.
At first, I pretended I was Ok with it. But soon I was irate! I threw the cards down and ran upstairs like a child. "You're a cheater!" I screamed. If you have ever played speed you know what I am talking about. That game can be the most frustrating game in the entire world. It is a game of pure honestly. You really can't tell what the other is doing until it is too late if at all.
Kirt ran after me. I screamed again, "Cheater!" I slammed the bathroom door. Kirt couldn't help but laugh out loud. "Ok....this is not happening." I sulked for 10 minutes. I felt so stupid.
Because of that one incident, (and other brief attempts), we have thrown up the white flag on games or anything that might have to do with a competition against each other. Until now.....
Battle of the bulge has been in effect for a month and a half. Kirt came home on day two and announced that he had a salad for lunch and I was furious. He could not win this one. He wins every time we try to do a "friendly" competition. One salad meant 3 lost pounds the next day. No fair Men can loose that easily.
We set up rules. All natural. Do it healthy, with real food. So.......what did I do? YUP..............You guesses it...........I cheated.
I went to a weight loss clinic. I decided to try the HCG diet. (I know what you are thinking....but, oh well, luckily I don't care what people think.) I've heard it all. It doesn't work, It does, It's a lie. You know, everything. I thought, "Well, I've been trying for over a year to get motivated, maybe this will jump start me."
So I did it...................Ladies and Gentlemen......................I have lost 22 pounds. I've been off the HCG diet for 4 weeks and my weight has remained stable and not returned to where it originally was. It actually worked!!! I loved it. I know it is not for some or even most, but I love, love, loved it!!! Granted I still have 20 more to go but I'm just glad I was able to do that. It gave me the motivation to get going and keep going.
Kirt has lost 5 pounds. Oh YEAH!!! Guess who's getting paid??? That's right!!! I am!!! Any ideas on where the money should go to??? I'm the winner of this one sucka!
Monday, April 15, 2013
Where's the Merry-Go-Round???
Do you remember the Merry-Go-Round? You know, the one at the park where you had to grab a hold of it, start running, spin it in a circle as fast as you could, hop on the metal plate with little bars, and hold on for dear life? The one where if you spun in the circle fast enough one of your friends, or you, would go spinning off if you didn't hold on tight enough? The one that made you so dizzy you thought you would barf right then and there, but, at the same time, made you giggle so hard you thought you peed yourself?
Or what Jungle gym tower made of just metal bars??? OH yeah! That one nearly killed me a few times!!! How did we survive? I remember being left to run the neighborhood for hours. Mom just had dad whistle to have us come home. It is crazy to think about doing that now.
I played on that Merry-go-round every time we went to the park. It was my favorite thing at the park.
Where is my Merry-go-Round???
OK. So I am guilty. I don't know if I would let my kids play on it! Sad huh?! I know why is it not in the playgrounds anymore. I am so afraid of them getting badly hurt and trapped underneath that thing. But--I can remember on more than on occasion that thing beating me up pretty good. So, I learned, and never did that again. But I'm noticing my protectiveness is getting in the way of them just being kids.
My mom used to have chicken pock parties. Now it is sanitize, disinfect, isolate. Her way sounds funner:)
By the way I act sometimes it is like I want the playground padded. I'm sure with all the rules I have set up for my kids I'm setting myself up for a revolt when they are teenagers. Saying "they never experienced life and we were too restricting."
I miss the merry-go-round and the metal bars of doom. I know they are way too dangerous but I wonder if I put so much padding on life and my kids that I forget to let kids just be KIDS.
(Who break their arm occasionally at the playground......)
Or what Jungle gym tower made of just metal bars??? OH yeah! That one nearly killed me a few times!!! How did we survive? I remember being left to run the neighborhood for hours. Mom just had dad whistle to have us come home. It is crazy to think about doing that now.
I played on that Merry-go-round every time we went to the park. It was my favorite thing at the park.
Where is my Merry-go-Round???
OK. So I am guilty. I don't know if I would let my kids play on it! Sad huh?! I know why is it not in the playgrounds anymore. I am so afraid of them getting badly hurt and trapped underneath that thing. But--I can remember on more than on occasion that thing beating me up pretty good. So, I learned, and never did that again. But I'm noticing my protectiveness is getting in the way of them just being kids.
My mom used to have chicken pock parties. Now it is sanitize, disinfect, isolate. Her way sounds funner:)
By the way I act sometimes it is like I want the playground padded. I'm sure with all the rules I have set up for my kids I'm setting myself up for a revolt when they are teenagers. Saying "they never experienced life and we were too restricting."
I miss the merry-go-round and the metal bars of doom. I know they are way too dangerous but I wonder if I put so much padding on life and my kids that I forget to let kids just be KIDS.
(Who break their arm occasionally at the playground......)
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Kids say the darndest things...
So I'm going in a complete different direction this time. Still going with the same theme, still being honest, just thought I'd lighten the mood a little...
My kids and I stayed up way too late one night talking. When I put the kids to bed it's a pretty laid back scenario. I don't have a strict schedule. It drives my husband crazy! It can take me up to and hour and a half to put those kids to bed. I find those little babies minds too funny! We stay up and talk about anything and everything. If you get a kid talking long enough.....their thoughts will fascinate you. My boys especially.
If you get them at night and when they are tired.....it is late night comedy at its best. A pure laugh fest if you let it.
My boys can talk about and do some of the grossest stuff. I know I should tell them, "Chase! Landon! Becks! Stop talking about your farts!" and "Who cares who's poop is bigger today!" or "Why do you have to sword fight with your pee every time you go to the bathroom?!" But I find myself just laughing in the corner like a child all the time. Who said kids weren't the coolest entertainment God ever blessed us with?!
I am finding this growing up thing a little challenging. How am I supposed to tell my kids to stop doing and saying stuff I personally think is quite hilarious? I can't lie, can I?! My personal ethics are at stake here!! They are like my stay at home comics. Why do I have to be the one to tell them they are behaving poorly? When in reality, I just think, "Oh.....now THAT was funny!!"
I remember the very first time the thought entered my mind to get a boob job. I had just gotten out of the shower and was drying off. I was leaning over and rolling my hair up in a towel. My then, 2 year old chase, came bursting through the bathroom door. His eyes immediately went wide and looked straight at my boobs. I hurried and covered them. Chase hurries and says, "Mommy, how long are those?!" I was in shock.
"How....how.....rude!" I look down and take a peak. "AWE! They are long!" I thought for a second. "Oh man!!! Now I will have to get them done!!" ---It was a hard day for me--
Yet still they remain. Long and flappy:)
Landon and chase were wrestling, and Chase was on top of Landon bouncing up and down. Landon kept letting out little farts every now and again. Chase says, "Landon, stop farting! You know you can control your farts!!" Landon immediately responds angrily, "No I can't chase, not when you're sitting on me! That's what makes farts pop!"
Now when I hear those arguments I am just hysterically laughing and no parenting will ever occur to this one! It was a winner. Too funny to ruin. I did come in and tell them they made me laugh and that I loved them, though....
Hey, it made them stop arguing. That's the important part, right? Ummmm.......ok, I may have a problem with disciplining things if they are hilarious.
A great example of that is when Aunt Jenna came to visit. Aunt Jenna is young and extremely beautiful. Not only that, she's got some great knockers. (boobies) She comes inside the house and is wearing a low cut v-neck shirt.
Chase and Landon come racing to hug their aunt Jenna. She swoops them in her arms and squeezes them as hard as she can. Their faces all plunge down her neckline. Jenna lets them go. Their hands immediately grab her breasts. (They are 5 and 6)
"What are those?" Landon asks. "AHHHH!!!" Jenna was taken completely off guard. "HAHAHAHA!" I burst out with no control whatsoever. I calm down after what takes A LOT of effort. "I mean, Chase! Landon! No touching Aunt Jenna's boobies!!!" Jenna just looks at me in disbelief. I'm still holding back my laughs. She has now been laughing for awhile too.
"I forgot to tell you that plunging neck lines are a no-no in this house hold. For some reason tiny little hands flock to them."
"Aunt Jenna!" Landon pleaded. "You still didn't answer my question! WHAT ARE THOSE?!" I suddenly realize why they are asking the question to her and not me. Hers looks lots nicer than mine. They aren't "long and flappy", they are huge and perky. I am again offended......man that boob job sounds nice.
Jenna is still laughing. Before I can tell Landon to stop talking to my sister about her private parts and give him the whole speech thing you gotta do as parents, she tells them they are her BOOBS.
Awe Man! Landon's eyes got wide and he smiled his biggest grin. He then said the comment every mother needs to hear to help her realize she really does have a boy living in the house with her. Not her perfect little baby child but a full fledged boy who's growing up and develop hormones. Or noticing what he likes about girls. Landon says, "I like those!" he smiles and stares. "AHHHHH!!!" Jenna covers herself with a jacket.
"I told you! No plunging neck lines!!!" I laughed. Later I listened to the boys talk about boobies and how soft and fun they thought they were. But---they know it is a private part and you can't touch, stare, ask anyone about their private parts. They know to come to me now. No touching random girls boobs. Yea for me! I taught them a lesson!!
Wow! Sometimes I have these conversations with my boys and I think, REALLY? Already? Am I that old? Can I really be having these talks already?But then the classic story of Chase and Landon at the soccer fields...
We were at Lexi's soccer game and Chase and Landon were wrestling around like they always do. Then, A group of girls walk by.......and automatically they both freeze in their tracks and stare. I was in shock. Chase is only 6 years old and Landon is 4. What is going on??? Chase whispers to Landon and says, "Landon, tell those girl to come here." Landon looks at you half angry, half confused, "Why can't you do it?". Chase, "because I told you to do it first! Now do it." Landon looks at Chase defiantly and then takes the defeat, "oh, okay. But next time it's your turn!" I am thinking to myself, "Next time? Do they do this often? What is going on?" I decide to let all of this play out. I am totally curious if my boys are actually trying to pick up on a group of 15 and 16 year old girls. The group of girls are standing about 30 feet from them and I am hiding in the background where no one can see. Landon shouts, "Hey girls! Come here!"
And then both Chase and Landon start flexing for them.........I am dying! This is too funny! The girls are not impressed, (obviously). They replied, "No!" and turned and started to leave. Chase whispers in Landon's ear again, "Tell them if they don't come over here, we're going to beat them up!" Landon replies, "Awe Chase. Do I have too?" and Chase says, "YES!! Now stop being a baby and do it!" Chase gives Landon a little nudge and yells so loud a few heads even turn to see who was yelling. "Hey girls! If you don't come over here we're going to beat you up." This is when I finally intervene. "Chase, Landon!! If you want to pick up on a girl, threatening to beat her up does not make her want to come over and talk to you." Both of them looked so confused.
They are just too funny!!! But after having kids and after many nights of talking to them there some things even I have not grown up from. (I know, I know, real SHOCKER there huh?!)
So ladies and gentlemen I'm gonna let ya in on a little bit of a secret.....things I don't tell anyone. But the kids and I's conversation was too funny not to post about. We were asking each other what are some things you do that you would normally never admit to doing. It started out shy and then got crazy funny.
Despite my better judgment,.......I wrote down mine. My kids loved that I participated in the game. Now.....Don't judge me, love me. Because dang it!! I'm freaking awesome! I may have a few screws loose but I like it that way.
Here is the list. (Of course, some of these I did not tell my children.) Remember....no judging....
I'm afraid of the dark. If Kirt would let me, I would have a night light on every night. I am still sure the girl in the movie, "The Ring", is out to get me.
If a TV goes fuzzy...it will induce a full fledged panic attack. (Oh....she's real people!!!)
I hate shopping. (Don't tell my girl friends! I like to get in and get out!)
I still like to watch Power Rangers. (The red one is my favorite.)
If I bounce on a tramp, my uterus usually feels like it falls out of my HOO-HAA. (SO sure that is not a good thing...)
I sometimes rewind kissing scenes over and over because I think they are so romantic and I wish I was the one kissing the leading man..........(scandalous I know!!! Don't worry, Kirt knows and loves me anyways. He knows he's the hottest man in the world to me anyways.)
I love I can blame all my farts in the stores on my kids and walk away. (I mean, who'd believe them?)
If I could, I would play in the McDonald play place play land. I want to crawl around in those tubes!
I still pee-pee in public pools. Only on occasion.....(Don't tell ANYONE!!!)
If I fart, I have to smell them.........."Gross Niki!" I know!
Those kids are too much fun. Laughing with them is my best medicine. I'm not going to have stay at home, late night comedy forever. Better get it while its hot!
My kids and I stayed up way too late one night talking. When I put the kids to bed it's a pretty laid back scenario. I don't have a strict schedule. It drives my husband crazy! It can take me up to and hour and a half to put those kids to bed. I find those little babies minds too funny! We stay up and talk about anything and everything. If you get a kid talking long enough.....their thoughts will fascinate you. My boys especially.
If you get them at night and when they are tired.....it is late night comedy at its best. A pure laugh fest if you let it.
My boys can talk about and do some of the grossest stuff. I know I should tell them, "Chase! Landon! Becks! Stop talking about your farts!" and "Who cares who's poop is bigger today!" or "Why do you have to sword fight with your pee every time you go to the bathroom?!" But I find myself just laughing in the corner like a child all the time. Who said kids weren't the coolest entertainment God ever blessed us with?!
I am finding this growing up thing a little challenging. How am I supposed to tell my kids to stop doing and saying stuff I personally think is quite hilarious? I can't lie, can I?! My personal ethics are at stake here!! They are like my stay at home comics. Why do I have to be the one to tell them they are behaving poorly? When in reality, I just think, "Oh.....now THAT was funny!!"
I remember the very first time the thought entered my mind to get a boob job. I had just gotten out of the shower and was drying off. I was leaning over and rolling my hair up in a towel. My then, 2 year old chase, came bursting through the bathroom door. His eyes immediately went wide and looked straight at my boobs. I hurried and covered them. Chase hurries and says, "Mommy, how long are those?!" I was in shock.
"How....how.....rude!" I look down and take a peak. "AWE! They are long!" I thought for a second. "Oh man!!! Now I will have to get them done!!" ---It was a hard day for me--
Yet still they remain. Long and flappy:)
Landon and chase were wrestling, and Chase was on top of Landon bouncing up and down. Landon kept letting out little farts every now and again. Chase says, "Landon, stop farting! You know you can control your farts!!" Landon immediately responds angrily, "No I can't chase, not when you're sitting on me! That's what makes farts pop!"
Now when I hear those arguments I am just hysterically laughing and no parenting will ever occur to this one! It was a winner. Too funny to ruin. I did come in and tell them they made me laugh and that I loved them, though....
Hey, it made them stop arguing. That's the important part, right? Ummmm.......ok, I may have a problem with disciplining things if they are hilarious.
A great example of that is when Aunt Jenna came to visit. Aunt Jenna is young and extremely beautiful. Not only that, she's got some great knockers. (boobies) She comes inside the house and is wearing a low cut v-neck shirt.
Chase and Landon come racing to hug their aunt Jenna. She swoops them in her arms and squeezes them as hard as she can. Their faces all plunge down her neckline. Jenna lets them go. Their hands immediately grab her breasts. (They are 5 and 6)
"What are those?" Landon asks. "AHHHH!!!" Jenna was taken completely off guard. "HAHAHAHA!" I burst out with no control whatsoever. I calm down after what takes A LOT of effort. "I mean, Chase! Landon! No touching Aunt Jenna's boobies!!!" Jenna just looks at me in disbelief. I'm still holding back my laughs. She has now been laughing for awhile too.
"I forgot to tell you that plunging neck lines are a no-no in this house hold. For some reason tiny little hands flock to them."
"Aunt Jenna!" Landon pleaded. "You still didn't answer my question! WHAT ARE THOSE?!" I suddenly realize why they are asking the question to her and not me. Hers looks lots nicer than mine. They aren't "long and flappy", they are huge and perky. I am again offended......man that boob job sounds nice.
Jenna is still laughing. Before I can tell Landon to stop talking to my sister about her private parts and give him the whole speech thing you gotta do as parents, she tells them they are her BOOBS.
Awe Man! Landon's eyes got wide and he smiled his biggest grin. He then said the comment every mother needs to hear to help her realize she really does have a boy living in the house with her. Not her perfect little baby child but a full fledged boy who's growing up and develop hormones. Or noticing what he likes about girls. Landon says, "I like those!" he smiles and stares. "AHHHHH!!!" Jenna covers herself with a jacket.
"I told you! No plunging neck lines!!!" I laughed. Later I listened to the boys talk about boobies and how soft and fun they thought they were. But---they know it is a private part and you can't touch, stare, ask anyone about their private parts. They know to come to me now. No touching random girls boobs. Yea for me! I taught them a lesson!!
Wow! Sometimes I have these conversations with my boys and I think, REALLY? Already? Am I that old? Can I really be having these talks already?But then the classic story of Chase and Landon at the soccer fields...
We were at Lexi's soccer game and Chase and Landon were wrestling around like they always do. Then, A group of girls walk by.......and automatically they both freeze in their tracks and stare. I was in shock. Chase is only 6 years old and Landon is 4. What is going on??? Chase whispers to Landon and says, "Landon, tell those girl to come here." Landon looks at you half angry, half confused, "Why can't you do it?". Chase, "because I told you to do it first! Now do it." Landon looks at Chase defiantly and then takes the defeat, "oh, okay. But next time it's your turn!" I am thinking to myself, "Next time? Do they do this often? What is going on?" I decide to let all of this play out. I am totally curious if my boys are actually trying to pick up on a group of 15 and 16 year old girls. The group of girls are standing about 30 feet from them and I am hiding in the background where no one can see. Landon shouts, "Hey girls! Come here!"
And then both Chase and Landon start flexing for them.........I am dying! This is too funny! The girls are not impressed, (obviously). They replied, "No!" and turned and started to leave. Chase whispers in Landon's ear again, "Tell them if they don't come over here, we're going to beat them up!" Landon replies, "Awe Chase. Do I have too?" and Chase says, "YES!! Now stop being a baby and do it!" Chase gives Landon a little nudge and yells so loud a few heads even turn to see who was yelling. "Hey girls! If you don't come over here we're going to beat you up." This is when I finally intervene. "Chase, Landon!! If you want to pick up on a girl, threatening to beat her up does not make her want to come over and talk to you." Both of them looked so confused.
They are just too funny!!! But after having kids and after many nights of talking to them there some things even I have not grown up from. (I know, I know, real SHOCKER there huh?!)
So ladies and gentlemen I'm gonna let ya in on a little bit of a secret.....things I don't tell anyone. But the kids and I's conversation was too funny not to post about. We were asking each other what are some things you do that you would normally never admit to doing. It started out shy and then got crazy funny.
Despite my better judgment,.......I wrote down mine. My kids loved that I participated in the game. Now.....Don't judge me, love me. Because dang it!! I'm freaking awesome! I may have a few screws loose but I like it that way.
Here is the list. (Of course, some of these I did not tell my children.) Remember....no judging....
I'm afraid of the dark. If Kirt would let me, I would have a night light on every night. I am still sure the girl in the movie, "The Ring", is out to get me.
If a TV goes fuzzy...it will induce a full fledged panic attack. (Oh....she's real people!!!)
I hate shopping. (Don't tell my girl friends! I like to get in and get out!)
I still like to watch Power Rangers. (The red one is my favorite.)
If I bounce on a tramp, my uterus usually feels like it falls out of my HOO-HAA. (SO sure that is not a good thing...)
I sometimes rewind kissing scenes over and over because I think they are so romantic and I wish I was the one kissing the leading man..........(scandalous I know!!! Don't worry, Kirt knows and loves me anyways. He knows he's the hottest man in the world to me anyways.)
I love I can blame all my farts in the stores on my kids and walk away. (I mean, who'd believe them?)
If I could, I would play in the McDonald play place play land. I want to crawl around in those tubes!
I still pee-pee in public pools. Only on occasion.....(Don't tell ANYONE!!!)
If I fart, I have to smell them.........."Gross Niki!" I know!
Those kids are too much fun. Laughing with them is my best medicine. I'm not going to have stay at home, late night comedy forever. Better get it while its hot!
Sunday, April 7, 2013
A measure of your Worth
There is so much beauty in this world. Filled with women of all ages. All races. All circumstances.
Beautiful. Tender. Kind. Loving. Woman have a gift. Making our dent in the corporate world today has made us strong and independent and even powerful. But our true power comes from within. Our true beauty is that we are tender. Our true strength is that we love. What is so beautiful about women is that we are soft and gentle. Kind and Sincere.
We are different. We are needed. Our hearts are deep and our love endless. Our tender hearts should be proud to be so open and kind, and never harden to life's cruel intentions. We are the heart the world needs to survive.
Powerful. You are powerful. Your love is inspiring. It moves the men in your life to be amazing. There is no measure to your worth. You are priceless.
Beautiful. Tender. Kind. Loving. Woman have a gift. Making our dent in the corporate world today has made us strong and independent and even powerful. But our true power comes from within. Our true beauty is that we are tender. Our true strength is that we love. What is so beautiful about women is that we are soft and gentle. Kind and Sincere.
We are different. We are needed. Our hearts are deep and our love endless. Our tender hearts should be proud to be so open and kind, and never harden to life's cruel intentions. We are the heart the world needs to survive.
Powerful. You are powerful. Your love is inspiring. It moves the men in your life to be amazing. There is no measure to your worth. You are priceless.
Beautiful Brown Eyes and Dry Drowning
The kids were so excited to go swimming. I was exhausted but knew I had no choice but to give in to their demands. We all got dressed and went with grandma to the clubhouse. We showered off and all jumped into the pool. It was surprisingly warm.
So refreshing. Soon we were all smiling and splashing. My two oldest, Alexis and Chase, can swim. I don't need to worry about them. Landon and Beckham are a different story. I have to watch them carefully. So throughout our swimming I practiced with Landon and Beckham in teaching them how to swim. they were doing great and we all were getting into a rhythm.
So Landon and Beckham were jumping off the ledge of the pool and jumping into my arms. If you have ever swam with these guys, they don't wait for you to look and tell them you are ready for them. They jump and land on top of you as soon as they can. They love to jump at the same time. It is like catching 2 basket balls at the same time. Except...these basketballs kick, scream, claw, punch, and twist their way out of your arms.
Now remember, I am alone at the pool with grandma just watching. Kirt is working back at home. I am the only one in the pool with the kids. Landon suddenly jumps at the far side of the pool. I dive to grab him. We swim back to the others and begin to play. As I am standing with the kids I see a beautiful pair of brown eyes.
They are frantic. It is Beckham. ONLY his eyes are above water. His cute baby arms are outstretched and inches to reaching me. I immediately grab him and assess how he is doing. He is coughing and extremely pale. He must have been under at least 30 seconds. "My poor baby!" He stops coughing and lays his head on my chest. He is tired and still extremely pale. He was done swimming. We all left the pool.
I had seen an Oprah episode. (Yes. Yes. I know. I am an Oprah fan, so what?) It was on Dry Drowning. It totally freaked me out. So like any mother...I watched him all day for signs of it. If you don't know what Dry Drowning is I'm gonna tell you.
I am so grateful to live where I live. I am so grateful to have the modern medicine we have. I am so grateful I was able to go and get help for my baby when I needed it. I wish all could have the opportunities this Nation has. I'm truly blessed to be able to have access to medical help whenever I need it. So thankful for everything in my life!
So refreshing. Soon we were all smiling and splashing. My two oldest, Alexis and Chase, can swim. I don't need to worry about them. Landon and Beckham are a different story. I have to watch them carefully. So throughout our swimming I practiced with Landon and Beckham in teaching them how to swim. they were doing great and we all were getting into a rhythm.
So Landon and Beckham were jumping off the ledge of the pool and jumping into my arms. If you have ever swam with these guys, they don't wait for you to look and tell them you are ready for them. They jump and land on top of you as soon as they can. They love to jump at the same time. It is like catching 2 basket balls at the same time. Except...these basketballs kick, scream, claw, punch, and twist their way out of your arms.
Now remember, I am alone at the pool with grandma just watching. Kirt is working back at home. I am the only one in the pool with the kids. Landon suddenly jumps at the far side of the pool. I dive to grab him. We swim back to the others and begin to play. As I am standing with the kids I see a beautiful pair of brown eyes.
They are frantic. It is Beckham. ONLY his eyes are above water. His cute baby arms are outstretched and inches to reaching me. I immediately grab him and assess how he is doing. He is coughing and extremely pale. He must have been under at least 30 seconds. "My poor baby!" He stops coughing and lays his head on my chest. He is tired and still extremely pale. He was done swimming. We all left the pool.
I had seen an Oprah episode. (Yes. Yes. I know. I am an Oprah fan, so what?) It was on Dry Drowning. It totally freaked me out. So like any mother...I watched him all day for signs of it. If you don't know what Dry Drowning is I'm gonna tell you.
In dry drowning, a certain amount of water, or any liquid, is
present in the lungs, which results in the inability to take in oxygen
from the air that is inhaled. It does not mean that the individual died
in water, but simply means that there was no or little water in the
lungs at the time of death. Hence, the term 'dry' is given. Moreover, it
may also take place due to a damage to the respiratory system,
Read more at Buzzle: http://www.buzzle.com/articles/dry-drowning-symptoms.html
Read more at Buzzle: http://www.buzzle.com/articles/dry-drowning-symptoms.html
So if you didn't follow the link, the paragraph kinda tells you what it is. Everything was fine. And in all reality, you are in the most danger right after swimming or right after the child has inhaled the water. The 3 classic symptoms to look for are chronic coughing for 20-30 minutes and trouble breathing, uneven breathing and/or chest pain. If the child has dry drowning symptoms it can not be treated at home. It can only be treated at the hospital. Do not take any chances with dry drowning.
I was probably in the safe zone with Beckham, but I am an overly cautious, over paranoid, freak yourself out kind of parent. It had been 8 hours past the time he had been swimming. But I would never forgive myself if anything happened to my cute baby. So....later that night, Beckham had this crazy coughing fit and was coughing up a ton of water and his lips were turning purple. So off to the hospital we went.
They took a simple x-ray of his chest to see if he had water on his lungs. Luckily, His lungs were clear and we were good to go home. Sweet little Beckham was safe and I could sleep that night.
Confessions...
Disclaimer: This post is completely and utterly honest. I have had
this written for a while. I have had it saved but never thought I would
ever post it. I'd like everyone to think I have a positive outlook on
life and take a positive spin to everything. Never would I want someone
to come to this blog every time, read it, and find themselves
depressed. As a result, my thoughts on this subject have remained as mild as possible. Finally being honest to myself broke a chain I didn't even know existed. This post is not meant to depress anyone. Please don't read this if you don't want to hear an honest, deep, close to the heart, post. I was scared to tell you the truth. Here are my
confessions.
I thought I had it all together but I don't. It turns out I was just pretending. 5 years have passed and I hit rock bottom.
My wall of pretend flowers and roses burned and the weeds seeped through.
Where was Jesse? He was supposed to be here by now. His deadline was up. I am standing here at the finish line waiting and there is not a single trace of him to be found.
I am in shock that I have not awakened from this nightmare. "So this really is reality."
I see myself with my mother on Jesse's bed in Hawaii. I am with her.
I am watching her hold what is left of him. His clothes.
They are piled around her and her arms are wrapped tight around them. She cries in the silence. I cry with her.
"Why her?" I think. "Why did you do this to her?"
I am angry. I don't understand.
She takes a deep inhale of Jesse's scent that still remain on his clothes. Her cries become deeper and deeper. She sinks into the clothes.
I turn away. I cannot watch. The pain is too much. My anger is too great. My confusion, too strong.
She somehow makes it home. I am barely able to look her in the eyes. My heart has broken for my mother.
I awake from my dream but the harsh reality is---I'm still living this nightmare.
Our lives seem to carry on in silence. I cannot feel this pain a moment longer. I must turn this pain off. "In 5 years you will know something..."
The emotions slowly shut down and I was able to function.
Here I am. 5 years and still the silence remains. I know nothing more. I have a backyard of weeds I didn't know needed pulled.
I am angry. I want a funeral. I want to mourn like everybody else. I want to know he is dead. I want a body in a casket. I wanted to kiss him goodbye.
I don't want a memorial. I want a real funeral. I want closure. I'm not OK with the unknown. I'm not OK with any of this. I'm not OK.
I feel like I have to tell everyone I am doing great. That life is a climb and I'm enjoying every second of it.
Well.....if you say that, you're lying. Sometimes, it sucks.
It sucks He is gone. I don't care that life isn't fair. This shouldn't have happened. This shouldn't ever happen to anyone.
I can't pretend anymore. This is it. He really is missing. He really is gone.
How did this all happen? It is hard to face something when you can't actually face it. Denial is a great defense mechanism. It has been my wheelchair for 5 years.
It is OK.
I have found it's OK to admit I don't have it all together. I'm OK with admitting I'm not happy 100% of the time. I'm OK telling myself, "I'm not OK!". I'm not perfect. I'm just me.
Most of all, I'm OK admitting I feel a little lost. Stumped. I was so sure my life was going to turn out so much differently.
I love my kids and husband. They are my world.
But--I never knew I could keep a secret from myself.
It was so hard to admit I was holding out for a miracle that Jesse would return in 5 years. I know it makes no sense. But admitting my secret has lifted this weight off my shoulders. Being honest with myself and dealing with it has made a huge difference. I never knew admitting something could be THAT difficult.
What helped me admit my secret was a dream I had few months ago...
I was standing at my back porch and looking out across my backyard. I found myself arguing with someone I could not see.
"He is not coming back Niki. I'm so sorry."
"You are a Liar! He is coming back! He'll be here! You can't just say that! He is coming.....he is....you'll see....just wait.....just wait!!"
"No Niki. Come back inside."
"I can't. I can't. He's out there! Don't you see?! He's out here?!" I am pointing outside.
All there is, is an empty field of tall weeds. The weeds I have just uncovered from my fake garden. The fake garden I thought I had planted.
"This doesn't make you a bad person. You don't have to feel guilty. He knows you love him. He knows you care. You're not giving up, you're not moving on, you're just coming back inside to where he really is."
"How do you know where he really is?!"
"He's in your heart, Niki."
"I don't want him in my heart...I want him here...please! Please.....please......please....."
I sink to my knees, my hands slowly cover my face, and I begin to cry. The scene darkens and I am alone. I am now curled in a ball sobbing. I cry for what seems like an eternity.
I awake from my dream in the same position. The words from Helen Keller again speak to me,
"What we have once enjoyed we can never lose, all that we love becomes a part of us."
I close my eyes and fade back into my dream.
I am back at my back porch. As I come inside, I take one last look at my weeds and softly smile.
"Together Again, Our Family Forever"
For just family members....I need your e-mails. There is a little something you need to know:) themissingpiece777@gmail.com
I thought I had it all together but I don't. It turns out I was just pretending. 5 years have passed and I hit rock bottom.
My wall of pretend flowers and roses burned and the weeds seeped through.
Where was Jesse? He was supposed to be here by now. His deadline was up. I am standing here at the finish line waiting and there is not a single trace of him to be found.
I am in shock that I have not awakened from this nightmare. "So this really is reality."
I see myself with my mother on Jesse's bed in Hawaii. I am with her.
I am watching her hold what is left of him. His clothes.
They are piled around her and her arms are wrapped tight around them. She cries in the silence. I cry with her.
"Why her?" I think. "Why did you do this to her?"
I am angry. I don't understand.
She takes a deep inhale of Jesse's scent that still remain on his clothes. Her cries become deeper and deeper. She sinks into the clothes.
I turn away. I cannot watch. The pain is too much. My anger is too great. My confusion, too strong.
She somehow makes it home. I am barely able to look her in the eyes. My heart has broken for my mother.
I awake from my dream but the harsh reality is---I'm still living this nightmare.
Our lives seem to carry on in silence. I cannot feel this pain a moment longer. I must turn this pain off. "In 5 years you will know something..."
The emotions slowly shut down and I was able to function.
Here I am. 5 years and still the silence remains. I know nothing more. I have a backyard of weeds I didn't know needed pulled.
I am angry. I want a funeral. I want to mourn like everybody else. I want to know he is dead. I want a body in a casket. I wanted to kiss him goodbye.
I don't want a memorial. I want a real funeral. I want closure. I'm not OK with the unknown. I'm not OK with any of this. I'm not OK.
I feel like I have to tell everyone I am doing great. That life is a climb and I'm enjoying every second of it.
Well.....if you say that, you're lying. Sometimes, it sucks.
It sucks He is gone. I don't care that life isn't fair. This shouldn't have happened. This shouldn't ever happen to anyone.
I can't pretend anymore. This is it. He really is missing. He really is gone.
How did this all happen? It is hard to face something when you can't actually face it. Denial is a great defense mechanism. It has been my wheelchair for 5 years.
It is OK.
I have found it's OK to admit I don't have it all together. I'm OK with admitting I'm not happy 100% of the time. I'm OK telling myself, "I'm not OK!". I'm not perfect. I'm just me.
Most of all, I'm OK admitting I feel a little lost. Stumped. I was so sure my life was going to turn out so much differently.
I love my kids and husband. They are my world.
But--I never knew I could keep a secret from myself.
It was so hard to admit I was holding out for a miracle that Jesse would return in 5 years. I know it makes no sense. But admitting my secret has lifted this weight off my shoulders. Being honest with myself and dealing with it has made a huge difference. I never knew admitting something could be THAT difficult.
What helped me admit my secret was a dream I had few months ago...
I was standing at my back porch and looking out across my backyard. I found myself arguing with someone I could not see.
"He is not coming back Niki. I'm so sorry."
"You are a Liar! He is coming back! He'll be here! You can't just say that! He is coming.....he is....you'll see....just wait.....just wait!!"
"No Niki. Come back inside."
"I can't. I can't. He's out there! Don't you see?! He's out here?!" I am pointing outside.
All there is, is an empty field of tall weeds. The weeds I have just uncovered from my fake garden. The fake garden I thought I had planted.
"This doesn't make you a bad person. You don't have to feel guilty. He knows you love him. He knows you care. You're not giving up, you're not moving on, you're just coming back inside to where he really is."
"How do you know where he really is?!"
"He's in your heart, Niki."
"I don't want him in my heart...I want him here...please! Please.....please......please....."
I sink to my knees, my hands slowly cover my face, and I begin to cry. The scene darkens and I am alone. I am now curled in a ball sobbing. I cry for what seems like an eternity.
I awake from my dream in the same position. The words from Helen Keller again speak to me,
"What we have once enjoyed we can never lose, all that we love becomes a part of us."
I close my eyes and fade back into my dream.
I am back at my back porch. As I come inside, I take one last look at my weeds and softly smile.
"Together Again, Our Family Forever"
For just family members....I need your e-mails. There is a little something you need to know:) themissingpiece777@gmail.com
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