Kids say the darndest things...

So I'm going in a complete different direction this time.  Still going with the same theme, still being honest, just thought I'd lighten the mood a little...

My kids and I stayed up way too late one night talking. When I put the kids to bed it's a pretty laid back scenario. I don't have a strict schedule. It drives my husband crazy! It can take me up to and hour and a half to put those kids to bed. I find those little babies minds too funny! We stay up and talk about anything and everything. If you get a kid talking long enough.....their thoughts will fascinate you. My boys especially.

If you get them at night and when they are tired.....it is late night comedy at its best. A pure laugh fest if you let it.

My boys can talk about and do some of the grossest stuff. I know I should tell them, "Chase! Landon! Becks! Stop talking about your farts!" and "Who cares who's poop is bigger today!" or "Why do you have to sword fight with your pee every time you go to the bathroom?!" But I find myself just laughing in the corner like a child all the time. Who said kids weren't the coolest entertainment God ever blessed us with?!

I am finding this growing up thing a little challenging. How am I supposed to tell my kids to stop doing and saying stuff I personally think is quite hilarious? I can't lie, can I?! My personal ethics are at stake here!! They are like my stay at home comics. Why do I have to be the one to tell them they are behaving poorly? When in reality, I just think, "Oh.....now THAT was funny!!"

I remember the very first time the thought entered my mind to get a boob job. I had just gotten out of the shower and was drying off. I was leaning over and rolling my hair up in a towel. My then, 2 year old chase, came bursting through the bathroom door. His eyes immediately went wide and looked straight at my boobs. I hurried and covered them. Chase hurries and says, "Mommy, how long are those?!" I was in shock.

"How....how.....rude!" I look down and take a peak. "AWE! They are long!" I thought for a second. "Oh man!!! Now I will have to get them done!!" ---It was a hard day for me--

Yet still they remain. Long and flappy:)

Landon and chase were wrestling, and Chase was on top of Landon bouncing up and down. Landon kept letting out little farts every now and again. Chase says, "Landon, stop farting! You know you can control your farts!!" Landon immediately responds angrily, "No I can't chase, not when you're sitting on me! That's what makes farts pop!"

Now when I hear those arguments I am just hysterically laughing and no parenting will ever occur to this one! It was a winner. Too funny to ruin. I did come in and tell them they made me laugh and that I loved them, though....

Hey, it made them stop arguing. That's the important part, right? Ummmm.......ok, I may have a problem with disciplining things if they are hilarious.

A great example of that is when Aunt Jenna came to visit. Aunt Jenna is young and extremely beautiful. Not only that, she's got some great knockers. (boobies) She comes inside the house and is wearing a low cut v-neck shirt.

Chase and Landon come racing to hug their aunt Jenna. She swoops them in her arms and squeezes them as hard as she can. Their faces all plunge down her neckline. Jenna lets them go. Their hands immediately grab her breasts. (They are 5 and 6)

"What are those?" Landon asks. "AHHHH!!!" Jenna was taken completely off guard. "HAHAHAHA!" I burst out with no control whatsoever. I calm down after what takes A LOT of effort. "I mean, Chase! Landon! No touching Aunt Jenna's boobies!!!" Jenna just looks at me in disbelief. I'm still holding back my laughs. She has now been laughing for awhile too.

"I forgot to tell you that plunging neck lines are a no-no in this house hold. For some reason tiny little hands flock to them."

"Aunt Jenna!" Landon pleaded. "You still didn't answer my question! WHAT ARE THOSE?!" I suddenly realize why they are asking the question to her and not me. Hers looks lots nicer than mine. They aren't "long and flappy", they are huge and perky. I am again offended......man that boob job sounds nice.

Jenna is still laughing. Before I can tell Landon to stop talking to my sister about her private parts and give him the whole speech thing you gotta do as parents, she tells them they are her BOOBS.

Awe Man! Landon's eyes got wide and he smiled his biggest grin. He then said the comment every mother needs to hear to help her realize she really does have a boy living in the house with her. Not her perfect little baby child but a full fledged boy who's growing up and develop hormones. Or noticing what he likes about girls. Landon says, "I like those!" he smiles and stares. "AHHHHH!!!" Jenna covers herself with a jacket.

 "I told you! No plunging neck lines!!!" I laughed. Later I listened to the boys talk about boobies and how soft and fun they thought they were. But---they know it is a private part and you can't touch, stare, ask anyone about their private parts. They know to come to me now. No touching random girls boobs. Yea for me! I taught them a lesson!!

Wow! Sometimes I have these conversations with my boys and I think, REALLY? Already? Am I that old? Can I really be having these talks already?But then the classic story of Chase and Landon at the soccer fields...

We were at Lexi's soccer game and Chase and Landon were wrestling around like they always do. Then, A group of girls walk by.......and automatically they both freeze in their tracks and stare. I was in shock. Chase is only 6 years old and Landon is 4. What is going on??? Chase whispers to Landon and says, "Landon, tell those girl to come here." Landon looks at you half angry, half confused, "Why can't you do it?". Chase, "because I told you to do it first! Now do it." Landon looks at Chase defiantly and then takes the defeat, "oh, okay. But next time it's your turn!"  I am thinking to myself, "Next time? Do they do this often? What is going on?" I decide to let all of this play out. I am totally curious if my boys are actually trying to pick up on a group of 15 and 16 year old girls. The group of girls are standing about 30 feet from them and I am hiding in the background where no one can see. Landon shouts, "Hey girls! Come here!"

And then both Chase and Landon start flexing for them.........I am dying! This is too funny! The girls are not impressed, (obviously). They replied, "No!" and turned and started to leave. Chase whispers in Landon's ear again, "Tell them if they don't come over here, we're going to beat them up!" Landon replies, "Awe Chase. Do I have too?" and Chase says, "YES!! Now stop being a baby and do it!" Chase gives Landon a little nudge and yells so loud a few heads even turn to see who was yelling. "Hey girls! If you don't come over here we're going to beat you up." This is when I finally intervene. "Chase, Landon!! If you want to pick up on a girl, threatening to beat her up does not make her want to come over and talk to you." Both of them looked so confused.   

They are just too funny!!! But after having kids and after many nights of talking to them there some things even I have not grown up from. (I know, I know, real SHOCKER there huh?!)

So ladies and gentlemen I'm gonna let ya in on a little bit of a secret.....things I don't tell anyone. But the kids and I's conversation was too funny not to post about. We were asking each other what are some things you do that you would normally never admit to doing. It started out shy and then got crazy funny.

Despite my better judgment,.......I wrote down mine. My kids loved that I participated in the game. Now.....Don't judge me, love me. Because dang it!! I'm freaking awesome! I may have a few screws loose but I like it that way.

Here is the list. (Of course, some of these I did not tell my children.) Remember....no judging....


I'm afraid of the dark. If Kirt would let me, I would have a night light on every night. I am still sure the girl in the movie, "The Ring",  is out to get me.

If a TV goes fuzzy...it will induce a full fledged panic attack. (Oh....she's real people!!!)

I hate shopping. (Don't tell my girl friends! I like to get in and get out!)

I still like to watch Power Rangers. (The red one is my favorite.)

If I bounce on a tramp, my uterus usually feels like it falls out of my HOO-HAA. (SO sure that is not a good thing...)

I sometimes rewind kissing scenes over and over because I think they are so romantic and I wish I was the one kissing the leading man..........(scandalous I know!!! Don't worry, Kirt knows and loves me anyways. He knows he's the hottest man in the world to me anyways.)

I love I can blame all my farts in the stores on my kids and walk away. (I mean, who'd believe them?)

If I could, I would play in the McDonald play place play land. I want to crawl around in those tubes!
                                                                                                                                                             
I still pee-pee in public pools. Only on occasion.....(Don't tell ANYONE!!!)

If I fart, I have to smell them.........."Gross Niki!" I know!

Those kids are too much fun. Laughing with them is my best medicine. I'm not going to have stay at home, late night comedy forever. Better get it while its hot!