Today is V-Day! In other words Valentines Day. I say V-Day because I think of the word Veteran. That is what my Grandpa Ogden was. He was a world war two veteran. I know there is an actual Veteran's Day but I think of my Grandpa Ogden on this day because Valentine's Day reminds me of the day we celebrate those we hold the most dear and close to our hearts. My Grandpa Ogden is one of those people.
Grandpa Ogden was a simple man. That was his charm. He was usually never seen without his hat and was always up for a game of Skip-BO. Sleepovers at Grandma and Grandpas' were the best. Grandpa would always wake up early to take his daily nature walk. He would nudge you just once to see if you wanted to come and then leave (You had to move quick if you wanted to keep up with Grandpa). They lived near the mountains and even as a small child I knew there was something special about Grandpa.
While on our walks, on many occasions, grandpa would be able to come within a few feet of some of the deer we would see. He had a peace about him that made everyone around him feel happy and safe. I imagine that is why he was able to get so close to so many of the wildlife we would see.
Every morning Grandpa would make eggs for breakfast. He would make them any way you wanted them. I ALWAYS wanted mine over easy. I swear to you, to this day, I have never had a better egg than when Grandpa cooked them for me. We would have eggs, orange juice, and Grandpa would have his morning Diet Pepsi!!!
I laugh every time I see a diet pepsi. They had stacks of that stuff so they would never run out. I will still buy a can of diet Pepsi every now and then just to smell it. Grandpa's breath always smelled of diet pepsi. Whenever Grandpa would let out one of his big laughs I could smell his breath and it would smell like diet pepsi. So when I smell Diet Pepsi it takes me back into the memory of Grandpa and his big, loud, fun, and contagious laugh.
After breakfast, if it was Saturday, we would ALWAYS go to the swap meet. That was an adventure. That was the best place to find the best junk. (treasure) We shopped there for hours and sometimes bought just one thing. It was always an adventure. Grandpa was always so patient. I only realize it now because I have kids. I always took forever to make a decision but he never rushed me. I'm always telling my kids, "Hurry up!!! We gotta go!!"
After that we'd pick out some rocks from the street and put them in the rock polish machine. While the rock polish machine was going we'd watch a John Wayne movie. If the rocks weren't shiny and polished by the end of the movie we'd walk to the gas station and get some candy.....I ALWAYS got a slap stick. When we got back we'd make the polished rocks into a necklace or a ring.
Then it was time for CARDS!!! We had our choices...Skip-BO, no peeKee, dominos, and so much more. Grandpa was always trash talking and with good reason. He always won. He was soooooooo good. And boy could he shuffle. After cards it was off to the park to feed the ducks. Man......now that I think about it.......this guy was like the energizer bunny. I would not be able to do all of this in one day with kids. But this is all true. He and grandma would fit all this in in one day. Crazy huh?!
He was so much fun but also had a soft quiet side that loved to fish. He could sit in the silence for hours and be completely comfortable. I, on the other hand, am the total opposite. I am loud and obnoxious. He reluctantly took me fishing because I begged for over a year for him to take me. We got to the spot we were going to fish at and were there for ten minutes. I dropped a rock in the pond and grandpa grabbed all the gear and took me home. He promised he would never take me fishing again. And let me tell you......he was a man of his word. He never took me fishing again!!! Don't mess with grandpa and his fishing!
We always hated it when we had to leave grandma and grandpa's house. But we always knew we were welcome whenever we wanted to come over. He was a second father to all of his grandchildren. He was an example to me and helped me through some of the most difficult times in my life.
Nothing is more important to a daughter than knowing her father adores her. Not knowing that from my own father has been a struggle for me. My grandpa truly saved me. I know he adored me. I think Grandpa Ogden was a father to all of the extended family. He was just that amazing.
I think Valentines Day is about celebrating those who are the most important in your life. You don't have to have a "Significant Other", or a date, or a romantic evening planned. I think it is a great day to reflect on how grateful you are for those in your past and present who have impacted your life for the better.
Take the day to reflect on those who you are closest to your heart and tell them how much they mean to you. You never know how much they might need to hear it.
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Compliment
I have been having mixed emotions about this blog this past week. I have felt so vulnerable by sharing all my crazy stories about post pardum depression, anxiety, and just challenges in general.
I was about to give into my fears and just take the entire blog down until I recieved a tiny comment from my cousin that meant the world to me. She basically gave me a compliment telling me she liked what I was doing and that it was helping her. I was floored. I couldn't believe the timing of her comment, let alone what it was about. It said everything I was feeling insecure about. It gave me hope and a reason to keep the blog up. Not long after that I got a call from my mother. She told me the lady we had been trying to get in contact with about her missing son finally responded. She told me the lady was so excited about what we were doing and was ready to write her story. She will have the story of her missing son posted on the blog later this week. She is still looking for him and will use any way to get the word out on his disappearance. I am so excited to be able to help in any way I can.
This is what this post is about......a little compliment can go a long way. Quite often, we as women don't give ourselves enough credit for the amazing things we do. More importantly, we need to let each other know how great we think we are. Had my cousin not complimented me today I probably would have taken my blog down and missed out on the chance to help out on another missing persons' case. I would've regretted taking down this blog and luckily because someone took the time to say a little sentence to me it made a HUGE difference.
I have realized in my life that you never know what goes on behind closed doors. A person may look and act like they have it all together on the outside but on the inside they could be a complete mess. Don't ever compare yourself to others. You never know when that certain someone needs a friendly smile or a phone call just to say "hi". If you find yourself thinking of someone else and the thought crosses your mind to call them......call them. If you see some one and think, "Wow. She looks really pretty today." Tell her. If you see someone looking sad, ask them if you can do anything for them.
I have found all these thoughts have crossed my mind before but how often do I actually act on them??? We as women need to support each other. I am making it my goal this week to act upon the thoughts that cross my mind. If I think someone looks cute, I'm going to tell them. If someone looks sad, I'm going to see what I can do to help, If I find I keep thinking of someone, I'm going to call and check on them. I encourage all of you to do the same.
I am so grateful my cousin acted on her feelings and gave me, what may have seemed like a tiny compliment to her, but, it was GIGANTIC to me!!! You never know how much a tiny compliment can mean to someone. Share what you think.
I was about to give into my fears and just take the entire blog down until I recieved a tiny comment from my cousin that meant the world to me. She basically gave me a compliment telling me she liked what I was doing and that it was helping her. I was floored. I couldn't believe the timing of her comment, let alone what it was about. It said everything I was feeling insecure about. It gave me hope and a reason to keep the blog up. Not long after that I got a call from my mother. She told me the lady we had been trying to get in contact with about her missing son finally responded. She told me the lady was so excited about what we were doing and was ready to write her story. She will have the story of her missing son posted on the blog later this week. She is still looking for him and will use any way to get the word out on his disappearance. I am so excited to be able to help in any way I can.
This is what this post is about......a little compliment can go a long way. Quite often, we as women don't give ourselves enough credit for the amazing things we do. More importantly, we need to let each other know how great we think we are. Had my cousin not complimented me today I probably would have taken my blog down and missed out on the chance to help out on another missing persons' case. I would've regretted taking down this blog and luckily because someone took the time to say a little sentence to me it made a HUGE difference.
I have realized in my life that you never know what goes on behind closed doors. A person may look and act like they have it all together on the outside but on the inside they could be a complete mess. Don't ever compare yourself to others. You never know when that certain someone needs a friendly smile or a phone call just to say "hi". If you find yourself thinking of someone else and the thought crosses your mind to call them......call them. If you see some one and think, "Wow. She looks really pretty today." Tell her. If you see someone looking sad, ask them if you can do anything for them.
I have found all these thoughts have crossed my mind before but how often do I actually act on them??? We as women need to support each other. I am making it my goal this week to act upon the thoughts that cross my mind. If I think someone looks cute, I'm going to tell them. If someone looks sad, I'm going to see what I can do to help, If I find I keep thinking of someone, I'm going to call and check on them. I encourage all of you to do the same.
I am so grateful my cousin acted on her feelings and gave me, what may have seemed like a tiny compliment to her, but, it was GIGANTIC to me!!! You never know how much a tiny compliment can mean to someone. Share what you think.
Anxiety
I have found that after my brothers disappearance I became extremely overprotective of my children. Watching my own mother struggle with not knowing where her own son disappeared to gave me serious doubt in the security of my own home.
My children are my world. I am so grateful I have them in my life. Their outlook on life is beautiful. They gave me the strength to push forward and live a good life. Each day is filled with a new adventure and I never know what to expect. I love everything about them. When my life took a wild turn my emotions went on overdrive...
"What is that noise? I think I heard a noise." I had awoke with a start. I could have sworn I heard something just outside my bedroom door. Jesse had been missing for 4 months now and I was sure one of my kids was next. I jumped out of bed and raced to Lexi's bedroom. Lexi was safe and sound in her bed. I then rushed to Chase's room. He too was safe in bed. Landon was still a newborn and sleeping in Kirt and I's bedroom at the time. I took a deep breath. My heart was racing. It was racing too fast. I was light-headed. I slowly knelled down and took a few more deep breaths. It felt like the walls were closing in on me. What was going on? My breath was not slowing. I sat and closed my eyes. I started to count. 1...2....3.......4..........5.........6............slowly my breath slowed and my heart rate returned to normal. Wow. What was that? I had never experienced anything like that before. I shrugged it off and went to bed. I was too tired to think of anything but sleep.
The next week went on as normal and nothing happened. Until the next week I awoke with a start and raced to the kids rooms again. The exact same thing happened. I checked on Lexi then Chase. Both were sleeping soundly. Except this time the walls closed in on me much faster. I slumped to the floor and curled into a ball. I was so scared. I didn't want to move. I was so nervous and I didn't know why. I felt a huge weight on my chest and started to breathe faster. Why was I feeling this way? What was going on? I started to count 1....2.....3......4..........5............6..........7..........8.........9.................10...........................
ok. This is not working. I started to take deep breathes to try and slow my breathing. I breathed in through my nose and out through my mouth. This was helping. After about 5 minutes my body started to relax. I still didn't understand what this was but just thought I hadn't got enough sleep and went to bed.
The next few days were fine and I didn't have any problems. It wasn't until Kirt and I were supposed to go away for my birthday overnight that I really had a problem.
Kirt and I were finally getting away! I was so excited! My mom was there to watch the kids and we were almost out the door. My kids came running up to give us our final hugs and kisses goodbye. As I said goodbye to my tiniest baby Landon, my stomach started to twist. "Oh no! Not now!" I thought. Just like before the walls started to close in on me, my chest felt like I had a ton of bricks on it, and my heart began to race. I needed to sit down and fast.
On the outside I looked completely normal to everyone. On the inside I was a complete mess. On the inside I was freaking out. My hands were shaking. For some reason I was so scared to leave my kids. I was so sure they were going to go missing just like my brother did. This time it took about an hour for me to calm down. It was getting worse. I still didn't know what it was, but my mom thought it sounded like anxiety. I decided I needed to go see the doctor.
I went to the doctor and he recommended taking some long term medicine. (such as: zoloft, prozac, wellbutrin, etc.) to help prevent the attacks from happening. He then said he could give me other medicine to help if I had an actual attack that would work within 10 minutes or so. This medicine was called Adivan. Now I am a mother of 4. I need my energy. I tried that stuff and it wipes me out. I cannot take that stuff.
I am telling you all of this because there are all sorts of ways to help with anxiety. I have found some great ways to help with my anxiety. Like I said before, I can't take the strong stuff, I will sleep. I do believe there are cases that people need it. It's just not for me. So if you use it and it works for you that is great. I do use the medicine that prevents attacks from happening,(ex: zoloft, prozac, etc.), and it works great for me. I have had great success with that.
I'm going to put another disclaimer....This is my blog and completely my opinion. This is what has helped me and you should ALWAYS talk to a doctor before taking ANY medicine. I did talk to my doctor before I took this medicine and for me it was ok. That may not be the case for you.
There are two things I do use if I have an actual attack. If I feel an attack coming on I will take a melatonin quick dissolving tablet and it helps calm me down. Melatonin is a chemical the body releases to help you fall asleep at night. So this is an over the counter medicine you can just go get and is a natural way to help calm your body. It may make you tired but I have found if I am having an actual attack, it just helps me not have the attack. Another thing I will do is YOGA!! I love it and it has made a huge difference in my life. Doing yoga everyday will help you keep your body calm and in control. Try it. You will be surprised at how much better you will feel.
I have had so many friends talk to me about having anxiety. It is a very real thing. I hope that by sharing that I have struggled with it, it helps others know they are not alone. Anxiety is a very common thing. More people have it than you would ever think. I found the longer I stayed in the house the more and more anxious I became about leaving the house. I think most people, at one point or another, will experience anxiety in their lifetime. Whether it is at work, with friends, or at home, we all have stress. Stress can easily make you anxious. Exercise, medicine, or just talking about it is a great way to help anyone who needs help with anxiety.
You should never be worried about what others think of you. Anxiety is so common. Most people have experienced it in some way shape or form. Talk about it and get help. It does get better. Remember......You are a normal person going through a hard time. Love yourself:)
My children are my world. I am so grateful I have them in my life. Their outlook on life is beautiful. They gave me the strength to push forward and live a good life. Each day is filled with a new adventure and I never know what to expect. I love everything about them. When my life took a wild turn my emotions went on overdrive...
"What is that noise? I think I heard a noise." I had awoke with a start. I could have sworn I heard something just outside my bedroom door. Jesse had been missing for 4 months now and I was sure one of my kids was next. I jumped out of bed and raced to Lexi's bedroom. Lexi was safe and sound in her bed. I then rushed to Chase's room. He too was safe in bed. Landon was still a newborn and sleeping in Kirt and I's bedroom at the time. I took a deep breath. My heart was racing. It was racing too fast. I was light-headed. I slowly knelled down and took a few more deep breaths. It felt like the walls were closing in on me. What was going on? My breath was not slowing. I sat and closed my eyes. I started to count. 1...2....3.......4..........5.........6............slowly my breath slowed and my heart rate returned to normal. Wow. What was that? I had never experienced anything like that before. I shrugged it off and went to bed. I was too tired to think of anything but sleep.
The next week went on as normal and nothing happened. Until the next week I awoke with a start and raced to the kids rooms again. The exact same thing happened. I checked on Lexi then Chase. Both were sleeping soundly. Except this time the walls closed in on me much faster. I slumped to the floor and curled into a ball. I was so scared. I didn't want to move. I was so nervous and I didn't know why. I felt a huge weight on my chest and started to breathe faster. Why was I feeling this way? What was going on? I started to count 1....2.....3......4..........5............6..........7..........8.........9.................10...........................
ok. This is not working. I started to take deep breathes to try and slow my breathing. I breathed in through my nose and out through my mouth. This was helping. After about 5 minutes my body started to relax. I still didn't understand what this was but just thought I hadn't got enough sleep and went to bed.
The next few days were fine and I didn't have any problems. It wasn't until Kirt and I were supposed to go away for my birthday overnight that I really had a problem.
Kirt and I were finally getting away! I was so excited! My mom was there to watch the kids and we were almost out the door. My kids came running up to give us our final hugs and kisses goodbye. As I said goodbye to my tiniest baby Landon, my stomach started to twist. "Oh no! Not now!" I thought. Just like before the walls started to close in on me, my chest felt like I had a ton of bricks on it, and my heart began to race. I needed to sit down and fast.
On the outside I looked completely normal to everyone. On the inside I was a complete mess. On the inside I was freaking out. My hands were shaking. For some reason I was so scared to leave my kids. I was so sure they were going to go missing just like my brother did. This time it took about an hour for me to calm down. It was getting worse. I still didn't know what it was, but my mom thought it sounded like anxiety. I decided I needed to go see the doctor.
I went to the doctor and he recommended taking some long term medicine. (such as: zoloft, prozac, wellbutrin, etc.) to help prevent the attacks from happening. He then said he could give me other medicine to help if I had an actual attack that would work within 10 minutes or so. This medicine was called Adivan. Now I am a mother of 4. I need my energy. I tried that stuff and it wipes me out. I cannot take that stuff.
I am telling you all of this because there are all sorts of ways to help with anxiety. I have found some great ways to help with my anxiety. Like I said before, I can't take the strong stuff, I will sleep. I do believe there are cases that people need it. It's just not for me. So if you use it and it works for you that is great. I do use the medicine that prevents attacks from happening,(ex: zoloft, prozac, etc.), and it works great for me. I have had great success with that.
I'm going to put another disclaimer....This is my blog and completely my opinion. This is what has helped me and you should ALWAYS talk to a doctor before taking ANY medicine. I did talk to my doctor before I took this medicine and for me it was ok. That may not be the case for you.
There are two things I do use if I have an actual attack. If I feel an attack coming on I will take a melatonin quick dissolving tablet and it helps calm me down. Melatonin is a chemical the body releases to help you fall asleep at night. So this is an over the counter medicine you can just go get and is a natural way to help calm your body. It may make you tired but I have found if I am having an actual attack, it just helps me not have the attack. Another thing I will do is YOGA!! I love it and it has made a huge difference in my life. Doing yoga everyday will help you keep your body calm and in control. Try it. You will be surprised at how much better you will feel.
I have had so many friends talk to me about having anxiety. It is a very real thing. I hope that by sharing that I have struggled with it, it helps others know they are not alone. Anxiety is a very common thing. More people have it than you would ever think. I found the longer I stayed in the house the more and more anxious I became about leaving the house. I think most people, at one point or another, will experience anxiety in their lifetime. Whether it is at work, with friends, or at home, we all have stress. Stress can easily make you anxious. Exercise, medicine, or just talking about it is a great way to help anyone who needs help with anxiety.
You should never be worried about what others think of you. Anxiety is so common. Most people have experienced it in some way shape or form. Talk about it and get help. It does get better. Remember......You are a normal person going through a hard time. Love yourself:)
Friday, February 8, 2013
I Promise...
I Promise
My promise is simple
My love deep
My devotion strong
I promise love;
love in good
love in bad
love in crazy
I promise friendship;
A friend to talk
A friend to laugh
A friend to cry
I promise faith;
Faith throughout trials
Faith in God
Faith in you
Faith in us
I promise to understand;
Understand, that life is what we make of it
Understand, that love is unconditional
Understand, when things just don't make sense
I promise a Lifetime;
A lifetime of challenges
A lifetime of memories
A lifetime of increasing love for you
Finally, I promise Eternity;
Eternally true
Eternally loved
Eternally yours
"For anyone who has found their one and only" By: niki:)
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Homeless...
What do you think when you see a homeless person on the streets asking for money? I am a woman doomed to have a guilty conscience. So, if I have money in my purse I will give it to whoever holds up a sign. If I can't help that way, I might buy them a meal or give them a blanket. Doesn't matter what they look like, act like, or even if they've been there for three months holding the same sign...I'm gonna give them money. This drives my husband crazy. I know what a lot of people think. They think, "He's using it on drugs or alcohol." and I don't blame anyone for thinking that. (a lot of the time it is true). But, How do you know who needs it and who doesn't? Unless you have time to do detective work, you don't know. My philosophy, "Better safe than sorry". That may not be yours, but like I said, I am a woman cursed with a guilty conscience. Kirt was determined to cure me of this.
One day, years ago, Kirt and I went to California for a vacation with some friends. We decided to go to Tijuana, Mexico to shop for some good deals. We got there early and all the girls were told not to give any money away. If we did we could run the risk of having a swarm of kids follow us through town the entire time we were there. Right when we got into town, the cutest little boy came to us. He could only have been 5. Nothing was said but the word "please". He held his tiny fingers out and I noticed the boy was very dirty and his clothes had holes everywhere. My heart sank. I went to dig in my purse but was cautioned against it. They didn't want to cause a swarm of kids coming around us when we had just arrived. My eyes filled with tears but I listened and took my hand out of my purse. I smiled at the boy. His face is still imprinted in my brain. He looked at me and his eyes sank. His eyes were a beautiful dark brown that touched my heart. 6 adults and one child. I could tell the boy was tired. He slowly walked away. He went over to his mother sitting not far from us and sank deep into her chest. The mother held him while he cried.
I turned away with tears streaming down my face I went to finish the shopping that seemed so pointless now. We were there for a couple of hours and I did not see one child. No one asked us for money. Just the little boy from earlier. I was so upset. Kirt gave in. It wasn't worth the fight. I would win so he just said, "Go find him".
As we were leaving, I searched for the boy. I was ready to give him some money. There was no curing me. I'm doomed to give money away whenever possible. I went to the place where we first saw him. He was nowhere to be found. My heart sank. I searched for 15 minutes but I could not find him. He was gone. I cried all the way back to the hotel. My guilty conscience was going to be the end of me.
Here's what I think when I see a homeless person. I think, that is someone's son. That is someone's daughter. What would I hope for if my son were on the streets and needed help? I would hope they gave him the benefit of the doubt.
I think of Jesse and not knowing where he is. Every time I give someone money I think of him. Most likely he is dead and I'm not ever going to see him in this lifetime. But, if he was alive and he did need help and food. If he was alone and afraid. I pray every night that someone would give him a warm meal. Someone would give him shelter. Someone would give him the benefit of the doubt.
I think of the mother's out there that could have that same prayer for their child who is on the streets. Praying that someone could help them and give them hope. I may give my money to a the wrong person but I never want to risk not giving it to the right person. I can't judge who needs help. All I can do is help when I can. In return I hope that if Jesse or someone like Jesse ever needed help, they would see past the dirty clothes and ragged appearance and help him.
Help when you can.....you never know if they are the one a family is missing.
One day, years ago, Kirt and I went to California for a vacation with some friends. We decided to go to Tijuana, Mexico to shop for some good deals. We got there early and all the girls were told not to give any money away. If we did we could run the risk of having a swarm of kids follow us through town the entire time we were there. Right when we got into town, the cutest little boy came to us. He could only have been 5. Nothing was said but the word "please". He held his tiny fingers out and I noticed the boy was very dirty and his clothes had holes everywhere. My heart sank. I went to dig in my purse but was cautioned against it. They didn't want to cause a swarm of kids coming around us when we had just arrived. My eyes filled with tears but I listened and took my hand out of my purse. I smiled at the boy. His face is still imprinted in my brain. He looked at me and his eyes sank. His eyes were a beautiful dark brown that touched my heart. 6 adults and one child. I could tell the boy was tired. He slowly walked away. He went over to his mother sitting not far from us and sank deep into her chest. The mother held him while he cried.
I turned away with tears streaming down my face I went to finish the shopping that seemed so pointless now. We were there for a couple of hours and I did not see one child. No one asked us for money. Just the little boy from earlier. I was so upset. Kirt gave in. It wasn't worth the fight. I would win so he just said, "Go find him".
As we were leaving, I searched for the boy. I was ready to give him some money. There was no curing me. I'm doomed to give money away whenever possible. I went to the place where we first saw him. He was nowhere to be found. My heart sank. I searched for 15 minutes but I could not find him. He was gone. I cried all the way back to the hotel. My guilty conscience was going to be the end of me.
Here's what I think when I see a homeless person. I think, that is someone's son. That is someone's daughter. What would I hope for if my son were on the streets and needed help? I would hope they gave him the benefit of the doubt.
I think of Jesse and not knowing where he is. Every time I give someone money I think of him. Most likely he is dead and I'm not ever going to see him in this lifetime. But, if he was alive and he did need help and food. If he was alone and afraid. I pray every night that someone would give him a warm meal. Someone would give him shelter. Someone would give him the benefit of the doubt.
I think of the mother's out there that could have that same prayer for their child who is on the streets. Praying that someone could help them and give them hope. I may give my money to a the wrong person but I never want to risk not giving it to the right person. I can't judge who needs help. All I can do is help when I can. In return I hope that if Jesse or someone like Jesse ever needed help, they would see past the dirty clothes and ragged appearance and help him.
Help when you can.....you never know if they are the one a family is missing.
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Why do I care???
This post is dedicated to my cute cousin Corie....I seriously don't know how you do it!!
I live in Mama Town USA. The moms out here are fabulous!!! How do they do it all? I am popping energy drinks left and right just trying to keep up with my crazy boys. I talk to so many women who volunteer for the school PTA and each child's classroom. On top of that they are the appointed soccer mom, on the school board, do crafts everyday with their kids, eat only organic food, and I think some of them can even fly.
Why do I care??? I constantly find myself comparing me to them. How does she do it all? Where was I when mom of the year lessons were going on? I am always forgetting things, dang it! Well ladies and gentlemen if you are new to the blog, lets just say I don't always have things together.
I will often ask my kids, "what is mommy best at?" and they have the answer memorized, they will say in unison, "forgetting things." Of course they smile and think it is funny but sometimes I really bother myself with how forgetful I can be. I forget doctors appointments, I forget dance lessons, I forget soccer games......I'm a walking forgetting mess. I listened to my friend tell me how she was so upset she was at herself for forgetting her child's Dr. appt. (Because she forgot they ended up being a little late.) I bit my lip and smiled. I thought, "Wow. I must really be a bad mom. First, I am ecstatic that I remembered the appt. 2nd, if we are on time......wait that NEVER happens.
Today was a cleaning day. Landon and Beckham stayed in their jammies all day. Did I feel bad? Yes. Why? Because everybody else dresses their kids and does their hair perfectly, everyday. (NOT!) I need to keep up appearances. What would they think of me if my house was a mess and my kids were in their jammies???
I find myself in the same cycle every mother can easily find herself in. The comparing game. Here's how it works: I compare your greatest strengths to my weaknesses. They win every time. Why do I care? I used to be so confident. Now I've got four little children running around and I think, "What am I doing? I don't know how to be a mother?" I need lessons. Not the ones they can actually teach in class.....I need individual lessons for each one of MY children. They are all so different and respond so opposite to each other depending on the latest technique I've read about.
I can't read the "be a better mommy" books. Why? Because when I read it all I think is, "I'm doing everything wrong!! I really am a crappy mommy". So when someone asks me if I have read one of those evil books I say, "No. Although, I did read all the Harry Potter and Twilight books. They were awesome!" I get weird looks and I can't imagine why.....ha!
To all you mothers out there.....WHY DO WE CARE??? I'm never going to win if I compare myself to you. I'm cruel about myself and think the world of others. It is a lose lose situation. As I sit and look at my cute kids I think. What do I do right? I play with them everyday. (I'm a little kid trapped in an adults body.) I give them hugs when they are sad, I laugh with them when they are funny, and I love them unconditionally. They are my world. That is priceless. No book can teach you how to give hugs and show love. We have that naturally programmed into us. When your child was born you became an amazing mother. You love them and are there when they need you. That is all that matters. The greatest gifts we can receive in this life are completely free. No missed doctor's appt. or soccer game will take that away.
Give yourself a break. You are trying your best. Who cares if your house is a little messy and the kids aren't completely ready for the day. Did you love them today? Yes? Well then, you have just made their day. Kids are so simple. Don't make it complicated. If I walk in someone's house and it is messy, I love them so much more. I think, "OH! She is human. She doesn't always have things perfect".
Lets get real. I feel like a walking disaster waiting to happen. I walk into a grocery store (Wal mart) and I swear the kids plan the attack in the car. As we walk in, all four children sprint in 4 different directions. The next thing I know the clothing rack is on top of Beckham, Chase and Landon have found their 12 pack of pop they want me to buy, and lexi is running back with a dress she has to have. In 3 minutes I have had it and am leaving while the entire store stares as the crazy woman with 4 children walks out.
Don't compare your weaknesses to others strengths. I have found that if you just talk to them they think the same thing you think of them. HOW DO YOU DO IT???
I live in Mama Town USA. The moms out here are fabulous!!! How do they do it all? I am popping energy drinks left and right just trying to keep up with my crazy boys. I talk to so many women who volunteer for the school PTA and each child's classroom. On top of that they are the appointed soccer mom, on the school board, do crafts everyday with their kids, eat only organic food, and I think some of them can even fly.
Why do I care??? I constantly find myself comparing me to them. How does she do it all? Where was I when mom of the year lessons were going on? I am always forgetting things, dang it! Well ladies and gentlemen if you are new to the blog, lets just say I don't always have things together.
I will often ask my kids, "what is mommy best at?" and they have the answer memorized, they will say in unison, "forgetting things." Of course they smile and think it is funny but sometimes I really bother myself with how forgetful I can be. I forget doctors appointments, I forget dance lessons, I forget soccer games......I'm a walking forgetting mess. I listened to my friend tell me how she was so upset she was at herself for forgetting her child's Dr. appt. (Because she forgot they ended up being a little late.) I bit my lip and smiled. I thought, "Wow. I must really be a bad mom. First, I am ecstatic that I remembered the appt. 2nd, if we are on time......wait that NEVER happens.
Today was a cleaning day. Landon and Beckham stayed in their jammies all day. Did I feel bad? Yes. Why? Because everybody else dresses their kids and does their hair perfectly, everyday. (NOT!) I need to keep up appearances. What would they think of me if my house was a mess and my kids were in their jammies???
I find myself in the same cycle every mother can easily find herself in. The comparing game. Here's how it works: I compare your greatest strengths to my weaknesses. They win every time. Why do I care? I used to be so confident. Now I've got four little children running around and I think, "What am I doing? I don't know how to be a mother?" I need lessons. Not the ones they can actually teach in class.....I need individual lessons for each one of MY children. They are all so different and respond so opposite to each other depending on the latest technique I've read about.
I can't read the "be a better mommy" books. Why? Because when I read it all I think is, "I'm doing everything wrong!! I really am a crappy mommy". So when someone asks me if I have read one of those evil books I say, "No. Although, I did read all the Harry Potter and Twilight books. They were awesome!" I get weird looks and I can't imagine why.....ha!
To all you mothers out there.....WHY DO WE CARE??? I'm never going to win if I compare myself to you. I'm cruel about myself and think the world of others. It is a lose lose situation. As I sit and look at my cute kids I think. What do I do right? I play with them everyday. (I'm a little kid trapped in an adults body.) I give them hugs when they are sad, I laugh with them when they are funny, and I love them unconditionally. They are my world. That is priceless. No book can teach you how to give hugs and show love. We have that naturally programmed into us. When your child was born you became an amazing mother. You love them and are there when they need you. That is all that matters. The greatest gifts we can receive in this life are completely free. No missed doctor's appt. or soccer game will take that away.
Give yourself a break. You are trying your best. Who cares if your house is a little messy and the kids aren't completely ready for the day. Did you love them today? Yes? Well then, you have just made their day. Kids are so simple. Don't make it complicated. If I walk in someone's house and it is messy, I love them so much more. I think, "OH! She is human. She doesn't always have things perfect".
Lets get real. I feel like a walking disaster waiting to happen. I walk into a grocery store (Wal mart) and I swear the kids plan the attack in the car. As we walk in, all four children sprint in 4 different directions. The next thing I know the clothing rack is on top of Beckham, Chase and Landon have found their 12 pack of pop they want me to buy, and lexi is running back with a dress she has to have. In 3 minutes I have had it and am leaving while the entire store stares as the crazy woman with 4 children walks out.
Don't compare your weaknesses to others strengths. I have found that if you just talk to them they think the same thing you think of them. HOW DO YOU DO IT???
Words Left Unsaid Hurt The Very Most...
My Hero
By Jenna Pinegar
Everyone says you don't know what you have til it's lost... Well, I did. I was the little sister that annoyed, bugged and teased until Jess would push me off of him in the high school hallways yelling "JENNA! I'M NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND! STOP HUGGING ME!" I couldn't help it. I adored my brother.
Sundays were my favorite day of the week. Jesse would pound on my bedroom door making the most obnoxious sounds followed by me jumping on him saying hello and us going up to dinner with our amazing family. He fiddled on the piano and I made up songs. I knew life would never get better than those moments. I took in the time we had together because it was about those little moments and I loved every second.
I was the last to talk to my brother. I remember all of us passing the phone around like we did occasionally while he was in Hawaii. He called a lot while he was there because he got lonely. A few times a week we talked a couple times a day. Our last conversation was sweet and I don't regret a thing-only that I can't say it again and again. Jesse told me he was going on one more hike and he would be back in a week. I told him I loved him like crazy. "You're my hero, Jess. I love you so dang much-you have no idea." Jesse just laughed at me, but I meant it.
That moment still echoes in my memory. I still hold onto it. Jesse has been my hero since I was a little kid. I have looked up to him all my life. What do you do when it all slips through your fingers? When your life shatters right before your eyes and you have no answers?
I felt a change as the week went on. Something was wrong. I had nightmares. I told my sister, Niki, and she had them, too. And you know the story from there.
Time has passed and the pain is not any less. I still hurt everyday. I miss my superman, but his memory gets me through the ache and I somehow make it. I can hear him in the back of my mind telling me it really isn't that bad.
I lost one of my best friends. Literally. LOST. Where he went, I do not know. But I hope if anyone gets anything from this it's that you take the moments you have with people you love and savor them because you may lose them. Overuse the words "I love you." Tell people how incredible you think they are. Words left unsaid hurt the very most.
I miss my Jesse. I always will... But in the moments spent with him I found that you can truly be grateful for what you have and never want anything else. And if I had one wish--it would be to have him back.
Thanks for reading.
Jenna
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