Anxiety

I have found that after my brothers disappearance I became extremely overprotective of my children. Watching my own mother struggle with not knowing where her own son disappeared to gave me serious doubt in the security of my own home.

My children are my world. I am so grateful I have them in my life. Their outlook on life is beautiful. They gave me the strength to push forward and live a good life. Each day is filled with a new adventure and I never know what to expect. I love everything about them. When my life took a wild turn my emotions went on overdrive...

"What is that noise? I think I heard a noise." I had awoke with a start. I could have sworn I heard something just outside my bedroom door. Jesse had been missing for 4 months now and I was sure one of my kids was next. I jumped out of bed and raced to Lexi's bedroom. Lexi was safe and sound in her bed. I then rushed to Chase's room. He too was safe in bed. Landon was still a newborn and sleeping in Kirt and I's bedroom at the time. I took a deep breath. My heart was racing. It was racing too fast. I was light-headed. I slowly knelled down and took a few more deep breaths. It felt like the walls were closing in on me. What was going on? My breath was not slowing. I sat and closed my eyes. I started to count. 1...2....3.......4..........5.........6............slowly my breath slowed and my heart rate returned to normal. Wow. What was that? I had never experienced anything like that before. I shrugged it off and went to bed. I was too tired to think of anything but sleep.

The next week went on as normal and nothing happened. Until the next week I awoke with a start and raced to the kids rooms again. The exact same thing happened. I checked on Lexi then Chase. Both were sleeping soundly. Except this time the walls closed in on me much faster. I slumped to the floor and curled into a ball. I was so scared. I didn't want to move. I was so nervous and I didn't know why. I felt a huge weight on my chest and started to breathe faster. Why was I feeling this way? What was going on? I started to count 1....2.....3......4..........5............6..........7..........8.........9.................10...........................
ok. This is not working. I started to take deep breathes to try and slow my breathing. I breathed in through my nose and out through my mouth. This was helping. After about 5 minutes my body started to relax. I still didn't understand what this was but just thought I hadn't got enough sleep and went to bed.

The next few days were fine and I didn't have any problems. It wasn't until Kirt and I were supposed to go away for my birthday overnight that I really had a problem.

Kirt and I were finally getting away! I was so excited! My mom was there to watch the kids and we were almost out the door. My kids came running up to give us our final hugs and kisses goodbye. As I said goodbye to my tiniest baby Landon, my stomach started to twist. "Oh no! Not now!" I thought. Just like before the walls started to close in on me, my chest felt like I had a ton of bricks on it, and my heart began to race. I needed to sit down and fast.

On the outside I looked completely normal to everyone. On the inside I was a complete mess. On the inside I was freaking out. My hands were shaking. For some reason I was so scared to leave my kids. I was so sure they were going to go missing just like my brother did. This time it took about an hour for me to calm down. It was getting worse. I still didn't know what it was, but my mom thought it sounded like anxiety. I decided I needed to go see the doctor.

I went to the doctor and he recommended taking some long term medicine. (such as: zoloft, prozac, wellbutrin, etc.) to help prevent the attacks from happening. He then said he could give me other medicine to help if I had an actual attack that would work within 10 minutes or so. This medicine was called Adivan. Now I am a mother of 4. I need my energy. I tried that stuff and it wipes me out. I cannot take that stuff.

I am telling you all of this because there are all sorts of ways to help with anxiety. I have found some great ways to help with my anxiety. Like I said before, I can't take the strong stuff, I will sleep. I do believe there are cases that people need it. It's just not for me. So if you use it and it works for you that is great. I do use the medicine that prevents attacks from happening,(ex: zoloft, prozac, etc.), and it works great for me. I have had great success with that.

I'm going to put another disclaimer....This is my blog and completely my opinion. This is what has helped me and you should ALWAYS talk to a doctor before taking ANY medicine. I did talk to my doctor before I took this medicine and for me it was ok. That may not be the case for you.

There are two things I do use if I have an actual attack. If I feel an attack coming on I will take a melatonin quick dissolving tablet and it helps calm me down. Melatonin is a chemical the body releases to help you fall asleep at night. So this is an over the counter medicine you can just go get and is a natural way to help calm your body. It may make you tired but I have found if I am having an actual attack, it just helps me not have the attack. Another thing I will do is YOGA!! I love it and it has made a huge difference in my life. Doing yoga everyday will help you keep your body calm and in control. Try it. You will be surprised at how much better you will feel.

I have had so many friends talk to me about having anxiety. It is a very real thing. I hope that by sharing that I have struggled with it, it helps others know they are not alone. Anxiety is a very common thing. More people have it than you would ever think. I found the longer I stayed in the house the more and more anxious I became about leaving the house. I think most people, at one point or another, will experience anxiety in their lifetime. Whether it is at work, with friends, or at home, we all have stress. Stress can easily make you anxious. Exercise, medicine, or just talking about it is a great way to help anyone who needs help with anxiety.

You should never be worried about what others think of you. Anxiety is so common. Most people have experienced it in some way shape or form. Talk about it and get help. It does get better. Remember......You are a normal person going through a hard time. Love yourself:)