Temper, Temper...

Some days all I do is yell. Seriously. I wake up and the first words out of my mouth is, "STOP THAT!!!" Beckham has just slapped me because it is literally the 17th time he has tried to wake me up and failed. He is starving and thirsty. He has been begging me for his chocolate milk for over a half of an hour. He giggles his sweet, adorable giggle that melts my heart. He thinks the slapping sound is so funny. So he does it again. "Why child? Why?" I quickly sit up. I am furious. "BECKHAM!!! I SAID STOP THAT!"  He giggles again.

How do you stay mad at that? I slowly got up. "It's going to be one of "those" days..." I get him his chocolate milk and like clock work, Chase and Landon come plowing through. Chase hits Landon in the nose. A little blood comes dripping down his chin. Landon is screaming. I try to rush to him but Landon hasn't gotten his revenge. Landon grabs Chase in a head lock and they are down on the floor tumbling in circles. "What is going on?!" I thought. "Who raised these kids?" Chase is now begging for mercy as Landon has him in his death grip. I am still making my way over to them. "CHASE! LANDON! STOP THAT!!!" No response from either of them. They continue their feud as if I did not exist.  It is like I said nothing. "I SAID NOW! I MEAN IT! YOU STOP IT THIS INSTANT!!!" I am now pulling them apart.

Finally they are separated.They continue their fighting but now it is just words. "CHASE STARTED IT!" Landon yells. "NO, LANDON STARTED IT!" Chase says. Their arms are flying, swinging, and punching. I am now in between the cross fire of all the hitting. I now join in on the yelling fest. "I DON'T CARE WHO STARTED IT! I'M ENDING IT!" I grab each one's arm and take them to separate corners of the room."TIME OUT! YOU ARE BOTH OUT OF CONTROL!" Landon has now wiped the little bloody nose he had gotten all over his white night shirt. "AH! DUDE! WHY?!" I go to the other room to grab a rag to clean his face.

They are like magnets. As soon as I leave the room all  %$@%#*  breaks loose. This time they are laughing and playing. The fight is over. Now they want to wrestle.  They are a moving ball of disaster. Rolling forward, backward, up and down. Destroying everything in their path. I have left the room for literally 60 seconds. I hear a crash and then a shatter.

Silence. No movement. Then a whisper, "RUN!" Landon and Chase run as fast as they can upstairs. I come racing around the corner just in time to see their little feet disappear up the stairs. "CHASE! LANDON! COME BACK HERE THIS INSTANT!!!"

I am not liking the fact that I am sounding so much like my mother, it is scary. BUT---I can't help it. I find myself saying the exact same things my mother said to me when I was a child. I am finding everything she said to me makes sense. I swore I would never say the phrase, "because I said so." I always hated that phrase as a child. I thought it made no logical sense whatsoever. It never answered my questions. I swore I would always answer every single solitary question each one of my children had.   HA!   "Why is the sky blue?" , "Because I said so.", "Why is the earth round?" , "Because I said so.", "Why do I have to do my chores?", "BECAUSE I SAID SO!!!"

IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW!!! I'm tired. Everything should be because I said so. I birthed you child!!! No question about it. I am Mom. PLEASE! Just do what I ask!  Please....!

Chase and Landon returned to the family room. I was greeted with two pairs of the most beautiful blue eyes you will ever gaze upon. They were looking at me. Big and wide-eyed. Guilty. They felt guilty. My anger level is through the roof and my patience is gone. But their eyes tame my anger and the guilt I see returns some of my patience. Before I can speak Chase and Landon say, "We love you Mommy."

I am lost for words. I will never understand little boys. BUT---they are truly a wild ride that you hold on for dear life. Little girls color and read. They can have quiet time. I know they have emotions...but I understand them:) There is no quiet time at our house. There is full speed and off. If they are up, they are wrestling. (sometimes fighting) Heads hit walls, feet have gone through them, and they have all broken their arms already. (Our oldest is 6 and youngest is 3, all 3 have taken a trip to the E.R.) Our TV just got in a sword fight with Chase and Landon and lost. There is now a hole and large shatter marks throughout the entire TV.  ("the power rangers needed help mom!") Yes, the TV miraculously still works and I am married to an accountant....."If it ain't broke, don't fix it"

Some days I feel all I do is yell. Some days I feel all I say is, "STOP THAT!", or "DON'T DO THAT!", "STOP TOUCHING HIM!", "NO! NO!", "COME HERE!", "DO THIS!" and "DO THAT!" I swear some days I could loose my voice trying to shout over all of the noise in my house. I hate those days. But then those little stinkers tell me they love me....and dang it! I love them too!

It can be discouraging when in one day, all you feel you've done is yell. When all you feel is that the day has gotten away from you and you've made no progress whatsoever. I swear I feel that more days than I care to admit. But I wouldn't trade a minute of my "unprogressiveness" with anyone. My boys just said they loved me. That made my entire morning better. It turned my entire day around. Sure, I will never understand how one minute they can totally beat each other up and the next be best friends, but, they are so worth this crazy ride we are on.

So I yell. I hate that I yell. I wish I was little miss perfect with her soft little voice and her cute little apron that had it all together and never raised her voice when her kids were putting holes in the TV.  I really do. But I'm not. So I'm a work in progress. I'm Ok with that. 

So I start over the next day or the next hour. Chase and Landon said they loved me. It fixed the entire morning. Their little eyes reset my entire attitude. What beauty I get to witness is their sweet example of innocent love and admiration of their parents. They truly are such a ball of pure fun to have in my life! This is why it is great to be a parent. They are so worth it!