Happy Feet

As I have said before, my life's release is running. When I thought a Staph infection threatened even a moment of me not being able to have that release, I fell into little bit of depression. Being that the last time I had this infection I had 3 surgeries, was on IV antibiotics, and nearly died; Kirt and I were prepared for the long hall.

I don't know how many of you have been on keflex or bactrim but WOW! THEY SUCK!! My body just hates those two medicines together. If you have, maybe you know what I am talking about. For me, being on these two antibiotics reminded me how I felt when I was really sick two years ago. I had a few panic attacks to say the least. I was truly scared this infection was going to last as long if not longer than the last.

When I am on Bactrim and Keflex my body aches all over. I am exhausted all the time, and my brain is SO not right. I don't say the right things, I'm more emotional, and I don't remember things as well. Now, doctors will swear it's just me. BUT, I have talked to so many people who have been on these drugs who have felt the same way. I swear I'm not crazy!!! (I know, I'm just trying to make myself feel better.)

So I prayed a lot over the past ten days. I didn't feel like my prayers reached the heavens by any means. I more felt they hit the ceiling and went splat on the floor. Still, after all I have learned, I know how I feel about my children. I love them unconditionally. I would do anything for them. If they asked for my help I would help them. I believe that is just how God is. He is a father. He loves each of us unconditionally. He would do anything for us. If we ask, he will help us. I believe this with all my heart. That is why, despite the many splatters on the floor, I still pray. I believe he hears me despite my lack of confidence. I have confidence in family. I have confidence in a loving father, who would do anything for his child. I struggle with the concept of feeling worthy of him able answer my prayers. But, if I think of it in another way, a father who loves his daughter. A father who wants only the best for her. A father who would do anything for her. Then I understand, and begin to feel worthy. Then I understand and believe in his love and adoration for me. Then my faith in him grows as my love for my children grows. I understand what being a parent is, and how your love for them increasingly grows. And you really do love them equally!!! It is crazy!!! Then I understand we are all worthy. It has always been me who has held myself back.

So........I went into the doctor expecting to be put on another round of antibiotics, get another shot of rocephin, and sent home in tears. Instead I was sent home jumping up and down, smiling, and silently praying, "thank you!!! thank you!!!"

I came home and  took a deep breath!! Life could go back to normal. I need to appreciate normal more often. That is my goal this week enjoying the normal life that I lead. Picking up kids, finding poop in the vents, slipping in my dogs urine, telling my boys they can't have sword fights, (not with real swords the ones they use to go to the bathroom, urine is everywhere!!!) dancing to Justin Bieber, and just having a crazy wonderful normal life. I love it!

If I drank, (but I don't) I would give a toast to all of you and it would say, "To never having a Staph infection again. Because ladies and Gentlemen I just kicked that ones @!%$!%$@!!!!!