That Did Not Just Happen....

This really did happen, all in one night, and all to me.

Stomach Flu---A Mother's Worst Nightmare!

Kirt, my husband, was coaching my sons soccer practice right around dinner time. Lexi got a little cranky and said, "My stomach hurts!!!" So naturally I think, "Oh my gosh! What a baby! I swear I feed my kids every hour and they are still hungry!!!" So I load Lexi, Beckham and my friend Britney, in the car, (poor Britney came along for the ride). We decide to go to Arby's just down the rode to get the kid's Dinner. By the time we get to Arby's Lexi is practically screaming that her tummy is killing her. Britney and I decide she may have diarrhea by the way Lexi has described her pain. I swerve and park asap. She looks as though she might explode. All three of us are in a panic. I get her out of the car and we are running to get into Arby's. I am pulling open the door into the main lobby of Arby's and Lexi starts to cough. It is the barf cough. "Oh no." I think. "Run!" I shout. And we run to the grass in front of Arby's and State Street. By now, I am practically carrying her. It's too late, she is barfing on my arms and hands. "Whatever." I think. People are driving by and watching my poor Lexi barf. I actually saw one girl see us and turn away and dry heave herself. I couldn't help but laugh.

With nowhere to wipe my hands but the grass and my jacket I smell wonderful. I didn't dare go into Arby's. They were already unhappy with the mess we left in front of their building, I knew coming inside would be pushing it. By now I am feeling really bad I thought she was faking the tummy ache. I picked my pale faced little girl up and put her in the car. I still went through the drive thru and got food for the kids. That was fun. Poor Britney pretended she couldn't smell a thing. WOW! What a good friend.

So, Lexi is very sick by now. It is tax season and Kirt is an accountant. He was gone the rest of the night. I have no idea where. Landon tells me his tummy hurts. By now, I believe my children. I learned my lesson. As he was saying "My tummy hurt's" he let out the most beautiful burp and barf splashed all over my bare feet. I thought, "Awesome. It doesn't get any better than this." Cute little Landon looked up at me with his blue, blue eyes and said, "Oh, mommy, I barfed on you......I'm sorry." As much as I was grossed out, it was totally cute. After this night, my kids were lucky they were so cute......cause they had nothing else going for them......kidding. I really do adore my kids. I'm a really sarcastic person......I'm sure if you don't know me my posts do not translate very well:)

I clean and wash off my feet but still I have not showered. Gross huh? I know. But you know when you don't shower for the day because you know you are going to be cleaning all day? That's how I felt.....I just knew the night was not over.....I knew there was more barf to come. It was pointless to shower.

I decided to make all the kids sleep upstairs in one location. This way I could sleep by all four of them and we could have a community barf bowl and I could get to all of them in one swift movement. So, I set up our big blow up mattress. We watched a movie with no problems and all fell asleep but the youngest. Cute little Beckham. He was being so cute! He had his head on my shoulder and he just kept talking to me. We talked about the dog and the cat. His favorite color. How much he loved his dad and then BARF!!!!! All in my face and mouth. THAT DID NOT JUST HAPPEN! No way.........I am in complete shock while I accidentally swallow a little of my child's barf. "Ok. That did just happen" I thought. I sit up. Beckham is un-phased as he giggles at the sight of his mother's face covered in his previously eaten dinner. The only words out of his mouth is "Mommy, yuck" I slowly get up and am so grossed out, I laugh. How can this night get any worse? "It can't", I thought. The worst is over. I wash off my face and mouth. Amazingly, because my hair had been tied back, the delightful mixture did not get into my hair. Still no shower....totally gross. I KNOW. WHY??? I still felt deep down inside, there was more. More that these little monsters had for me. (and by monsters I mean beautiful lovely children.) I change the bedding. The rest of the night it was Chase's turn. All he did was dry heave. Poor guy had nothing in him.

Now, you would think that is all I have in my family. I would too. But turns out we are both wrong. I have animals too. So I was up until  4:30 AM with my cute babies. AT 4;30 AM my dog River had and ear ache. I knew that because when I finally got to sleep she woke me up with her whining and scratching her ear like crazy. I went to pet her and my hand rubbed into some sticky goo that was leaking out of her ear. That is when I got grossed out. I gave her some doggy pain medication, cleaned out her ear, made a note to get her to the vet, and sent her off too bed.

By then, I was exhausted. I went downstairs to my bedroom where Kirt was, (he got home really late that night). It was pitch black so I had to feel my way to the bed and around to my side. I got into the bed and Kirt asked how everything was. I told him everything. There was a slight pause. "Kirt, did you fart???" There was another pause, "No....did you?" "Um.....No." I said, because he knows I am always proud of my farts and claim them whenever they are mine. I sigh and plop my hands to the side of the comforter. SPLAT!!! That did not just happen!!! I knew what my hand was in before I even turned on the lights. I knew what my hand was in before I even lifted up my hand to move it off of what it was in. I knew what my hand was in as soon as it went SPLAT!!! "*#!*#(*^@#" I said. "What?!" said Kirt. Sounding very annoyed that I kept talking. "I just put my hand in cat crap!!!" I yelled very loudly. "No you didn't" Kirt said. Not wanting to believe he had been sleeping next to cat crap the entire night. "Um....YES I DID!!! LOOK!!!!" I flipped on the light switch and we saw the best sight of the night. It beat all the barf on the hands, feet, in the face, and down the throat by a mile.

Yes. This is when I got the cat and it is still banned from the house. This is when I dry heaved. This is when Kirt dry heaved. This is when.....I did finally give in.......I took the shower of all showers. I scrubbed and scrubbed. I am so clean and yet I feel so dirty. This is when I thought, That there is no way that that day just happened?!!!