COLORS

I love life. I think it is so much fun. I love to wake up in the summer and hear the buzz of lawn mowers in the morning. The smell of fresh cut grass makes my morning run feel refreshing and uplifting all at the same time. I love to come home and see the smiles on all four of my beautiful children's faces as I walk into the front door. Beckham, the tiniest of the four, comes bolting to my calves screaming "Mommy!!!" as if he hasn't seen me in years, while the others follow. They are starving, so I begin to cook breakfast.

I love the smell of bacon in the morning. It reminds me of happy days with my grandpa Ogden. Every morning he would wake us with the smell of his fresh cooked bacon. I would awake and run as fast as I could to get the best bar stool. Whoever got there first was made the first egg. I always wanted my egg first. I loved watching the sun rise and watch it slowly hit the crystal ball they always had hanging in their kitchen window. When the sun hit it just right, tiny bits of sun-light blasted all over the walls in every which direction and every different shape. Beautiful.

I love the sunset. When I was a teenager, and was needing time to think, I would climb out the window of my house, and sit on the roof up by the chimney. The colors were never the same. Purple, blue, green, yellow, orange, violet, any shade in any variety blending so beautifully into one another. The soft blending of colors brought calmness to my soul and peace to my thoughts. Life felt more simple. I would inhale the soft summer air and soak in the colors the sunset had to offer that night. Love in my heart and peace to my mind. The colors reset my thinking.

I love color.  I love color in nature but I also love color in life. That's what gives us strength. Color can drive the strongest apart or the weakest together. Without color the whiteout is certain. Color is the dynamic in life that gives us the challenges we must face. Challenges are certain. Just unpredictable.

Unpredictable. My personal challenge.

First: In fifth grade I was riding my bike down a steep hill and ran into a fence and fell into a ditch. My leg had a two inch deep cut, that was about three inches long. Three days later I developed a severe Staph infection and was on IV antibiotics for a month. I visited the hospital everyday. When the infection was gone I was later told I nearly lost my leg. God had saved my leg.

Second:  When I was sixteen, I got into a rollover car accident on the free-way where I was thrown 30 feet. I presumed dead at the scene of the crash. Amazingly, I survived the crash and made it to the hospital. Upon my mothers' arrival to the hospital the Doctors' informed her I was not going to make it. They stated I had a massive blood clot in my aorta. That they would not be able to get there in time to remove it, and they were waiting for it to move and I would simply bleed out. My mother was devastated..........................................................................................two hours passed..................................................................................no blood clot. A miracle. It had vanished. A broken back, a metal plate and six screws in my collar bone, and internal injuries gallor. I was alive. God saved my life.

Third:  I was at work and scratched my elbow on the door frame. I went to change a patients dressing and washed my hands. I noticed the scratch on my elbow and hurried and washed it. Knowing that MRSA is a common infection looming around in care centers, I tried to be very thorough. (MRSA-is a super infection resistant to most antibiotics and extremely difficult to get rid of.) Within 2 days my arm was double in size. Within two weeks, I was on IV antibiotics. Within Three months: four hospital stays, two surgeries, and two rounds of IV antibiotics.The infection had gone in to my lymph nodes and I slept for over a month while I was being treated with medicine. I remember nothing of that time. Finally, by four months: three surgeries, three rounds of IV antibiotics, and six hospital stays, the infection was gone. I was left with little muscle and strength. BUT, I was alive. God saved my life.

Fourth: One year later. A knee ligament transplant surgery. My knee always dislocates. This surgery has fixed that. After surgery I developed a another staph infection (that is 3 so far) Instead of progressing in my physical therapy I started regressing in it. The risk of maintaining a healthy ligament lay in the balance. My leg doubled in size and the pain was intense. My knee became stiff and the risk of a second surgery was likely. "What is it you want me to learn from all of this?" I found myself asking. "What can I learn from this?", "What did I do wrong last time?", "What am I missing?" I started to wonder why I kept getting all of these infections.  I have been taught God knows all and has his reasons. We must trust in him, but sometimes I find it hard to jump.

It took over three months but, thankfully, my infection was cured. After a year of work, my  knee has returned to full health and is functioning to its full capacity. God saved my knee.

Fact: If you have had a Staph infection before, you are 10 times more likely to get it again than someone who has not gotten staph. Staph is a serious infection and has been known to deadly when not treated soon enough. At times, even when treated soon enough, the infection can be lethal. It is not to be taken lightly and the four months it  took out of our family's life forever changed us. I will tell you how later.

Fifth: Current: I was cutting my toenails 2 days ago. I nicked the side of my big toe. The next day it was double in size and red was streaking up my foot. I immediately went to the insta care. The culture came back today. I have another staph infection. "Hmph." I thought. I had no reaction. I may have even wanted to laugh. Kirt was a little angry. I was a little confused. I'm not trying to be dramatic in the least but...........boy does this infection want to kill me or what?!

I was in the insta care alone and had my toe cleaned out by the doctors. That is when I received the news. The doctor is Kirt's best friend's Mom whom I truly admire. She Is so kind and loving. She knew how much this scared me, due to the fact that this infection nearly killed me once before. I simply stated, "I just don't want to tell Kirt."

Kirt came to pick me up from the insta care and as I got in the car he said, "Wow. Niki. It has been such a long day. These kids are driving me nuts." I smiled and thought,. "oh great! Now this is really going to be hard telling him. Poor Kirt. This man needs a break

The previous time we had this challenge and I nearly left this life, Kirt excelled as a Father.  When push came to shove he pushed, shoved, punched, and kicked back. He nursed me back to health. He was with me every step of the way. For a month Kirt was a stay at home Dad. He relates to me so much better. He is so grateful he gets to go to work in the morning. He knows being a mother is the hardest job in the world. He fought for his family and won.

The look on that mans face when I told him I had staph again was complete defeat. My heart could have shattered. I looked back to the time he had spent carrying this family through my last sickness. I could see through his brilliant blue eyes the piercing pain he was in and the fear he held inside them.

Some of the Colors of this world are very dark and hard to see through. You find yourself asking, "Where am I?" and "How did I even get here?" Sometimes they are so dark you will stop and ask, "How could I possibly learn anything more here? There is nothing left to see!!! WE'VE DONE THIS A MILLION TIMES!!!!" Often times the colors can be bright and clear. A clear mistake with a clear solution. Whenever the  color is blended and I am a little confused, I stop to think. I look to a sunset, the stars, or a rainbow. I let my thoughts drift, and think to myself the many gifts in my life. I smile at each one of them. Kirt, Lexi, Chase, Landon, Beckham. I think how far we have come. How much more we value life now.

Since my near dear death in  2010, our family has changed drastically. Everything we thought mattered doesn't. The ONLY thing that matters is family and God. I truly cherish every moment with them. My house is usually messy. My laundry is never done. My dishes are usually piled high.BUT I am playing with my kids. I thought at one point I might not be there for them. That is my biggest fear.  Children are messy and can drive you insane. But they are the beautiful bright clear brilliant colors we work towards and go through all the dark tunnels and twists and turns to see their beautiful sunsets. We fight for them.

I don't know why challenges come when they do. Sometimes I will learn from the challenge and others I will never find the meaning of the obstacle. I do know they have always made me stronger.  My  challenges color is laced with infection and tied to health struggles. I pray to god like I have before, that this infection be cured and I remain healthy and strong for my cute babies. God please cure my foot.

For all the rainbows in the world and colors so beautiful, may the sun shine bright on your rainiest day to bring up a stronger you in the morning.                                                      niki